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How to navigate awkward political conversations at Thanksgiving dinner after a tense election – USA TODAY

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N’dea Yancey-Bragg
 
| USA TODAY

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6 tips for a virtual Thanksgiving dinner to stay connected with family

If you can’t visit family due to the COVID-19 pandemic, host a virtual Thanksgiving dinner instead.

Many Americans will likely have a scaled-down or virtual Thanksgiving celebration amid the coronavirus pandemic, but the stress of a hectic year could still cause turkey dinners to turn tense.

Stress from COVID-19, health care, the economy, racism and the presidential election is threatening American’s mental health, according to the annual “Stress in America” survey from the American Psychological Association. Stress or feeling overwhelmed is the primary reason people cite for being rude, which has the potential to ignite conflict during the holidays, according to Christine Porath, a professor at Georgetown University and the author of “Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace.”

“We’re coming to these relationship really depleted and I think a lot of people are on edge,” Porath said. “We’re much more inclined to behave in some of the negative ways and react with much greater disdain and impatience around people that think differently unfortunately.”

Amid a global pandemic and just a few weeks after a contentious presidential election where President Donald Trump has not yet conceded, how do you stop the chaos of 2020 from turning your holiday dinner into a disaster? 

Here are some tips to make sure politics doesn’t turn Thanksgiving into an argument you’re not-so-thankful for:

More tips: How to talk about Trump, politics with family over dinner

You can avoid talking politics from the start

Nearly half (46%) of Americans try to avoid talking about politics during Thanksgiving celebrations, according to a 2019 Economist/YouGov survey. 

It’s OK to set ground rules and request that your family not talk about politics or the pandemic over the holidays, etiquette expert Lizzie Post said.

“I might say this year I’ve really decided for myself I’m not going to talk about these things but I’d love to hear about the kids or what you’ve been doing at work,” Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute and great-great-granddaughter of the institute’s eponymous founder, said.

Porath noted that having Thanksgiving dinner virtually might also lessen the chance of conflict.

“Hopefully there’s less chance of a huge negative spiral over Zoom.” she said. “You can kind of quickly divert to somebody’s cute child or a face that someone’s making,”

Planning a Zoom Thanksgiving? Here’s what you need to know

Remember the ‘prime directive’: Don’t try to change someone’s mind 

While it may not be worth rehashing the specifics of the election, talking about issues that have been politicized like mask-wearing may merit a discussion, Porath said 

“It could be potentially different if you feel like someone’s safety is at risk,” she said. “That might be a different time to kind of step out and have more courage.”

Families are also predictable and if you know your uncle is going to bring up something controversial, prepare for that conversation emotionally ahead of time, Bill Doherty, professor of family social science at University of Minnesota.

Don’t approach the conversation by trying to change a family member’s mind about something, Doherty, who co-founded Braver Angels, nonprofit that runs workshops, debates, and other events for people across the political spectrum. 

Is it safe to travel for the holidays? This COVID-19 risk assessment map can help you decide

“That’s what we call the prime directive,” he said. “Have instead a goal of understanding where the other person’s coming from, explain where you’re coming from, and to see what comes out of that.”

When responding to an opinion you disagree with, Doherty suggested acknowledging the other person’s point of view, agreeing with what you can and then giving your own point of view and the bigger perspective. Instead of bringing a long list of facts, he recommends telling stories that convey your point.

“When people have strongly held views they interpret facts that support their views and discount facts or information that contradict their views,” he said. “I’m not saying don’t bring facts into the conversation but don’t assume that they are just going to carry the day.”

What do I do if things get heated?

All three experts said that if things escalate the best course of action is to exit the conversation. 

Doherty said it’s important to remember that you are responsible for keeping your own emotions in check. If the conversation escalates, he recommends acknowledging that you likely won’t agree and trying to move the conversation forward.

“They’re going to do one more round at that point you don’t respond, you say the conversation is over,” he said. “The key to exiting is to do it without criticizing the other person.”

Packing?: What to bring if you must travel for Thanksgiving this year

Post said it’s important to stay calm and keep the volume and speed of the conversation in check. She said to look for signs that others may be uncomfortable with the conversation and try to end the discussion.

“Just like any in person conversation you can try to redirect, you could try to listen,” Post said. “You could exit the conversation … but I think at least saying you know what I’ve gotta get going but take care is always an acceptable out.”

Porath said it can help to remember that Thanksgiving is about gratitude and that your family are the people you love most.

“You want to end up with the same healthy relationship as when you started the conversation,” she said.

What if someone says something problematic?

There’s a difference between heated political commentary and hate speech or opinions rooted in bias.

Doherty recommends exiting the conversation if someone is using hate speech or racial epithets, but warned against “calling out” family members on opinions about politics, policy, gender or race that are different but not inflammatory. 

“It’s rarely helpful to label what the other person said as ‘that’s racist, that’s sexist that’s xenophobic’ or on the red side ‘that’s anti-American, that’s socialist, that’s anti-Christian,” he said. “If I can’t tolerate your view without condemning it and you, I think our democracy really starts to suffer and family relationships really start to suffer as well.”

Follow N’dea Yancey-Bragg on Twitter: @NdeaYanceyBragg

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‘Disgraceful:’ N.S. Tory leader slams school’s request that military remove uniform

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HALIFAX – Nova Scotia Premier Tim Houston says it’s “disgraceful and demeaning” that a Halifax-area school would request that service members not wear military uniforms to its Remembrance Day ceremony.

Houston’s comments were part of a chorus of criticism levelled at the school — Sackville Heights Elementary — whose administration decided to back away from the plan after the outcry.

A November newsletter from the school in Middle Sackville, N.S., invited Armed Forces members to attend its ceremony but asked that all attendees arrive in civilian attire to “maintain a welcoming environment for all.”

Houston, who is currently running for re-election, accused the school’s leaders of “disgracing themselves while demeaning the people who protect our country” in a post on the social media platform X Thursday night.

“If the people behind this decision had a shred of the courage that our veterans have, this cowardly and insulting idea would have been rejected immediately,” Houston’s post read. There were also several calls for resignations within the school’s administration attached to Houston’s post.

In an email to families Thursday night, the school’s principal, Rachael Webster, apologized and welcomed military family members to attend “in the attire that makes them most comfortable.”

“I recognize this request has caused harm and I am deeply sorry,” Webster’s email read, adding later that the school has the “utmost respect for what the uniform represents.”

Webster said the initial request was out of concern for some students who come from countries experiencing conflict and who she said expressed discomfort with images of war, including military uniforms.

Her email said any students who have concerns about seeing Armed Forces members in uniform can be accommodated in a way that makes them feel safe, but she provided no further details in the message.

Webster did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

At a news conference Friday, Houston said he’s glad the initial request was reversed but said he is still concerned.

“I can’t actually fathom how a decision like that was made,” Houston told reporters Friday, adding that he grew up moving between military bases around the country while his father was in the Armed Forces.

“My story of growing up in a military family is not unique in our province. The tradition of service is something so many of us share,” he said.

“Saying ‘lest we forget’ is a solemn promise to the fallen. It’s our commitment to those that continue to serve and our commitment that we will pass on our respects to the next generation.”

Liberal Leader Zach Churchill also said he’s happy with the school’s decision to allow uniformed Armed Forces members to attend the ceremony, but he said he didn’t think it was fair to question the intentions of those behind the original decision.

“We need to have them (uniforms) on display at Remembrance Day,” he said. “Not only are we celebrating (veterans) … we’re also commemorating our dead who gave the greatest sacrifice for our country and for the freedoms we have.”

NDP Leader Claudia Chender said that while Remembrance Day is an important occasion to honour veterans and current service members’ sacrifices, she said she hopes Houston wasn’t taking advantage of the decision to “play politics with this solemn occasion for his own political gain.”

“I hope Tim Houston reached out to the principal of the school before making a public statement,” she said in a statement.

This report by The Canadian Press was first published Nov. 8, 2024.

The Canadian Press. All rights reserved.

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Saskatchewan NDP’s Beck holds first caucus meeting after election, outlines plans

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REGINA – Saskatchewan Opposition NDP Leader Carla Beck says she wants to prove to residents her party is the government in waiting as she heads into the incoming legislative session.

Beck held her first caucus meeting with 27 members, nearly double than what she had before the Oct. 28 election but short of the 31 required to form a majority in the 61-seat legislature.

She says her priorities will be health care and cost-of-living issues.

Beck says people need affordability help right now and will press Premier Scott Moe’s Saskatchewan Party government to cut the gas tax and the provincial sales tax on children’s clothing and some grocery items.

Beck’s NDP is Saskatchewan’s largest Opposition in nearly two decades after sweeping Regina and winning all but one seat in Saskatoon.

The Saskatchewan Party won 34 seats, retaining its hold on all of the rural ridings and smaller cities.

This report by The Canadian Press was first published Nov. 8, 2024.

The Canadian Press. All rights reserved.

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Nova Scotia election: Liberals say province’s immigration levels are too high

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HALIFAX – Nova Scotia‘s growing population was the subject of debate on Day 12 of the provincial election campaign, with Liberal Leader Zach Churchill arguing immigration levels must be reduced until the province can provide enough housing and health-care services.

Churchill said Thursday a plan by the incumbent Progressive Conservatives to double the province’s population to two million people by the year 2060 is unrealistic and unsustainable.

“That’s a big leap and it’s making life harder for people who live here, (including ) young people looking for a place to live and seniors looking to downsize,” he told a news conference at his campaign headquarters in Halifax.

Anticipating that his call for less immigration might provoke protests from the immigrant community, Churchill was careful to note that he is among the third generation of a family that moved to Nova Scotia from Lebanon.

“I know the value of immigration, the importance of it to our province. We have been built on the backs of an immigrant population. But we just need to do it in a responsible way.”

The Liberal leader said Tim Houston’s Tories, who are seeking a second term in office, have made a mistake by exceeding immigration targets set by the province’s Department of Labour and Immigration. Churchill said a Liberal government would abide by the department’s targets.

In the most recent fiscal year, the government welcomed almost 12,000 immigrants through its nominee program, exceeding the department’s limit by more than 4,000, he said. The numbers aren’t huge, but the increase won’t help ease the province’s shortages in housing and doctors, and the increased strain on its infrastructure, including roads, schools and cellphone networks, Churchill said.

“(The Immigration Department) has done the hard work on this,” he said. “They know where the labour gaps are, and they know what growth is sustainable.”

In response, Houston said his commitment to double the population was a “stretch goal.” And he said the province had long struggled with a declining population before that trend was recently reversed.

“The only immigration that can come into this province at this time is if they are a skilled trade worker or a health-care worker,” Houston said. “The population has grown by two per cent a year, actually quite similar growth to what we experienced under the Liberal government before us.”

Still, Houston said he’s heard Nova Scotians’ concerns about population growth, and he then pivoted to criticize Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for trying to send 6,000 asylum seekers to Nova Scotia, an assertion the federal government has denied.

Churchill said Houston’s claim about asylum seekers was shameful.

“It’s smoke and mirrors,” the Liberal leader said. “He is overshooting his own department’s numbers for sustainable population growth and yet he is trying to blame this on asylum seekers … who aren’t even here.”

In September, federal Immigration Minister Marc Miller said there is no plan to send any asylum seekers to the province without compensation or the consent of the premier. He said the 6,000 number was an “aspirational” figure based on models that reflect each province’s population.

In Halifax, NDP Leader Claudia Chender said it’s clear Nova Scotia needs more doctors, nurses and skilled trades people.

“Immigration has been and always will be a part of the Nova Scotia story, but we need to build as we grow,” Chender said. “This is why we have been pushing the Houston government to build more affordable housing.”

Chender was in a Halifax cafe on Thursday when she promised her party would remove the province’s portion of the harmonized sales tax from all grocery, cellphone and internet bills if elected to govern on Nov. 26. The tax would also be removed from the sale and installation of heat pumps.

“Our focus is on helping people to afford their lives,” Chender told reporters. “We know there are certain things that you can’t live without: food, internet and a phone …. So we know this will have the single biggest impact.”

The party estimates the measure would save the average Nova Scotia family about $1,300 a year.

“That’s a lot more than a one or two per cent HST cut,” Chender said, referring to the Progressive Conservative pledge to reduce the tax by one percentage point and the Liberal promise to trim it by two percentage points.

Elsewhere on the campaign trail, Houston announced that a Progressive Conservative government would make parking free at all Nova Scotia hospitals and health-care centres. The promise was also made by the Liberals in their election platform released Monday.

“Free parking may not seem like a big deal to some, but … the parking, especially for people working at the facilities, can add up to hundreds of dollars,” the premier told a news conference at his campaign headquarters in Halifax.

This report by The Canadian Press was first published Nov. 7, 2024.

— With files from Keith Doucette in Halifax

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