Two weeks ago, Oliver’s HBO Show, Last Week Tonight, produced a piece about the UFC’s return to action. The segment was critical of Dana White’s insistence on holding events despite a global pandemic, but the biggest takeaway from the piece ended up being Oliver’s jokes about ‘Fight Island.’ The comedian poked fun at the unimaginative name and offered a number of alternatives, including ‘UFSea.’
On this week’s episode of Last Week Tonight, Oliver responded to White’ appropriation of his idea, supporting the UFC using it and offering to help name other things as well.
“First, Dana White intentionally forgetting my name is a truly excellent neg, or rather, it would be if he weren’t only number 83 on GQ’s list of the 100 most powerful bald men in the world from 2013,” Oliver started. “Now that is a neg right there, Dana. You got beat by Jason Alexander. You got Costanzaed!
“More importantly, I’m not remotely mad here. I want you to use that name. In fact, I think you should let us rename all of your events, because frankly, you’re not very good at it. Take UFC 249, it’s just your logo plus a number. Where’s the pizzaz there? How about this, UFC: Knuckle Opera? Or Dust Up at the Beef Factory? Or Large Hamboy Collider? It’s better, right? Who doesn’t want to see some hamboys collide right now? Honestly, even the name Dana White could use little punch up. It doesn’t sound like the head of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, it sounds like the third best real estate agent in Sacramento or a video where a white woman calls the cops on a black family for smiling too hard.”
“I am not mad at Tug Slabmeat for stealing our idea for ‘UFSea,’” Oliver continued. “We may not even be the first person he stole them from. He only filed for the ‘Fight Island’ trademark a week after a TMZ reporter suggested to him he call it that. In fact, the only thing that he’s done here that annoyed me was accusing us of using ‘selective facts,’ because facts are to me what other peoples’ ideas are to Dana White: something I’m very passionate about.
“What apparently upset him was that in our piece we pointed out that three people, a UFC fighter and his two cornermen, all tested positive for coronavirus before a recent event, underscoring the fact that it seems impossible to return to sports completely without risk right now. White responded on Twitter to say ‘we had three events, not one,’ which is completely irrelevant, and that those three positives came from 1,100 tests, which does initially seem to minimize it – until you learn that all those tests were administered to just 300 people. Basically, Dana was quoting a larger number to make the positive results look less significant, which seems like, I don’t know, a selective fact.”
Oliver wasn’t done there though. After refuting White’s claims, the comedian then took the next logical step: he took something from Dana White.
“Honestly, I think Dana White’s just looking for a fight here. In fact, I’m almost certain that he is because he’s literally trademarked the phrase, ‘Dana White Lookin’ for a Fight.’ And as we learned by looking up his filing for the UFC, it’s just one of the many phrases that he’s trademarked in the past. There’s ‘Fight Library,’ which is excellent, ‘Chicken Monster,’ which is somehow even better, and ‘Baddest Motherf*cker,’ which I always assumed was owned by Samuel L. Jackson. However, interestingly, UFC’s filing for that cites only handful of potential uses, among them, toy figures and action figures, which just makes sense. It’s the perfect phrase to have on a child’s toy.
“But when we started looking deeper, we actually realized that there are a number of trademarks they’ve applied for and got and then let expire, my favorite of which is ‘You Will Submit,’ which they’ve trademarked for use on baby booties, fanny packs, and walking canes; because nothing says I’m going to beat you into submission like a baby with a cane wearing a fanny pack.
“Look, since Dana took something that we came up with, we’re going to return the favor. Guess who is now officially in the process of owning the trademark ‘You Will Submit’? I’ll give you a clue, it’s got two thumbs, it’s sheltering in a white void, and it’s about to sell this baby onesie, which you can find at tugslabmeatsbabypalace.com. Who is the ‘Baddest Motherf*cker’ now, Dana?”
Tugslabmeatsbabypalace.com redirects the buying page for a ‘You Will Submit’ baby onesie on HBO’s online shopping tool, which is being sold for $19.95.
— GILBERT BURNS DURINHO (@GilbertDurinho) May 31, 2020
Poor Leon. He thinks he’s getting the next title shot.
Props to burns good win. Woodley talks to much should focus on fighting not talking.@USMAN84kg I’m ready when you are @ufc@espn I’m ready to go, airports are open in the uk.
— Leon ‘Rocky’ Edwards (@Leon_edwardsmma) May 31, 2020
Jon Jones trying to stop vandalism and Dana White, all in the same weekend.
Ben Askren speaking from an experienced vantage point.
Yes I think @JonnyBones is likely worth more than what the UFC is paying him.
If Jon Jones becomes the guy to lead a fighter revolt, I’d be stunned.
Ouch.
Call out.
Goals.
I was thinking if I should I keep the nickname 50k Ige? Or should I add up the POTN bonuses everytime I get one? I might Have jinxed myself lol. I’m not satisfied with 50k. My goal before I retire is to be Dan “1milli” Ige definitely not impossible. pic.twitter.com/pmI1Ry7oUX
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NEW YORK – Toronto Blue Jays reliever Chad Green and Canadian slugger Tyler O’Neill of the Boston Red Sox were named finalists for the Major League Baseball Players’ Association’s American League comeback player award on Monday.
Chicago White Sox left-hander Garrett Crochet was the other nominee.
New York Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge, Los Angeles Dodgers designated hitter Shohei Ohtani and Kansas City Royals shortstop Bobby Witt Jr. were named player of the year finalists.
The award winners, selected via player voting, will be named Saturday before Game 2 of the World Series.
Green, who missed most of the 2022 and ’23 seasons after undergoing Tommy John surgery, was a high-leverage option for the Blue Jays this past season and filled in at closer over the second half of the campaign.
The right-hander converted his first 16 save opportunities and finished the year with a 4-6 record, 17 saves and a 3.21 earned-run average over 53 appearances.
O’Neill, a native of Burnaby, B.C., also endured back-to-back injury-plagued seasons in ’22 and ’23.
After being traded to the Red Sox in the off-season, O’Neill set an MLB record by hitting a homer in his fifth straight Opening Day. He finished with 31 homers on the year and had an OPS of .847.
This report by The Canadian Press was first published Oct. 21, 2024.
Alabama’s Mark Sears and North Carolina‘s RJ Davis looked into the possibility of leaving for the NBA before deciding to return for another college season.
Their decisions helped their teams earn top-10 rankings in the AP Top 25 and earned both players some preseason honors, too.
Sears was a near-unanimous selection for The Associated Press preseason All-America men’s basketball team released Monday, earning all but one vote from a 55-person national media panel. Davis was right behind him, nabbing 51 votes.
They were joined by Kansas big man Hunter Dickinson, Auburn forward Johni Broome, Arizona guard Caleb Love and Duke freshman Cooper Flagg. Love and Flagg tied for the final spot, creating a six-man team that includes only the ACC, Big 12 and SEC.
Alabama twin bill
Sears was a key cog in the Crimson Tide’s first trip to the Final Four a year ago, orchestrating one of college basketball’s highest-scoring teams.
The 6-foot-1 guard was named a second-team AP All-America after averaging 21.5 points, 4.2 rebounds and 4.0 assists. He was the first Division I player in 31 years to have 795 points, 150 rebounds, 145 assists and 95 three-pointers in a single season while breaking the Alabama single-season record with 26 games with at least 20 points.
Sears worked out for NBA scouts during the offseason before deciding to return to Alabama, earning the Crimson Tide a No. 2 ranking in the preseason AP Top 25.
“I saw the team that we had and I wanted to be a part of it, and bring home Alabama’s first national championship in basketball,” Sears said.
Across the state at rival Auburn, Broome made a quick decision about his future, announcing in April that he would be back for a fifth season.
The 6-10 forward was a third-team AP All-American last season after averaging 16.5 points and 8.5 rebounds while shooting nearly 55% from the floor. With an eye on an NBA future, Broome worked hard on his perimeter shooting during the offseason and his return earned Auburn a No. 11 preseason ranking.
“My main goal is a team goal, which is to win the national championship, to make it as far as I can in March Madness,” Broome said. “When a team shines, everyone shines individually.”
Along Tobacco Road
Like Sears, Davis has similar aspirations after opting to return for his fifth season at North Carolina.
The 6-foot guard was an AP All-American last season and the ACC player of the year after averaging 21.1 points, 3.6 rebounds and 3.5 assists on a team that reached the Sweet 16 of the NCAA Tournament. Davis enters this year within reach of former North Carolina big man Tyler Hansbrough’s all-time ACC scoring record.
“I know there’s more work to be done,” Davis said. “I know my jersey’s not going up until I leave. So there’s some more records to break and some more work to be done. I’m satisfied but I’m not satisfied, if that makes sense.”
Up the road at Duke, Flagg was the only underclassman on the preseason All-America team after arriving with tons of hype. The 6-9 swingman was the No. 1-rated high school recruit out of Newport, Maine and has been projected as the No. 1 overall pick in the NBA draft.
Flagg has the skills of a guard, but can also play inside and has worked hard on his perimeter shooting, giving him the potential to be one of college basketball’s most versatile players. He’s part of a stellar recruiting class that has No. 7 Duke eyeing a deep March run.
Big 12 duo
Dickinson was the biggest move in the transfer portal last spring after leaving Michigan for Kansas. The 7-2 center lived up to the billing, averaging 17.9 points and 10.9 rebounds while leading the Jayhawks back to the NCAA Tournament.
Love’s decision to return for a second season at No. 10 Arizona has ratcheted up expectations in the desert for the Big 12 rival of Kansas.
The athletic 6-4 guard had a high-scoring career at North Carolina and continued it after transferring to Arizona last season. He was the Pac-12 player of the year and a third-team All-American after averaging 18 points per game and making 92 3-pointers.
Love tested the NBA waters this summer before deciding to return.
“He’s had a very successful college career thus far,” Arizona coach Tommy Lloyd said. “He’s kind of this last generation of player that’s going to get better with this extra year, and so I just encourage him to take advantage of it.”
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CLEVELAND (AP) — Browns quarterback Deshaun Watson will miss the rest of Cleveland‘s season after rupturing his right Achilles tendon on Sunday against Cincinnati, a person familiar with the situation told The Associated Press on Monday.
Watson will soon undergo surgery, said the person who spoke on condition of anonymity because the team has not announced the results of imaging tests taken on his leg.
It’s the second significant injury in two seasons for Watson, who broke the glenoid (socket) bone in his throwing shoulder last year.
The 29-year-old Watson went down without being touched on a draw play late in the first half. His right leg buckled and Watson collapsed to the turf. TV replays showed his calf rippling, consistent with an Achilles injury.
As he laid on the ground, there was cheering by some Cleveland fans, leading to some of Watson’s teammates criticizing that behavior during the team’s fifth straight loss.
The injury is yet another twist in Watson’s divisive stay with the Browns.
Cleveland traded three first-round draft picks to Houston and signed him to a fully guaranteed $230 million in 2022. The deal came amid Watson being accused by more than two dozen women of sexual assault and harassment during massage therapy sessions. He settled civil lawsuits in all but one of those cases.
Watson was suspended by the NFL for his first 11 games with the Browns and then made just six starts last season before hurting his shoulder.
