This First Person column is written by Jillian Sunderland, a PhD student at the University of Toronto. For more information about CBC’s First Person stories, please see the FAQ.
I’ve gone back to the bustling streets of Bridgetown, Barbados many times, but I still feel out of step with the rhythm of life. Despite it being my father’s homeland and the fact that I hold dual Canadian and Barbadian citizenship, Bridgetown has never felt like home to me.
Growing up in Canada, my father never encouraged an interest in our Bajan roots. We avoided dining on traditional dishes of oxtail and pigs’ feet and didn’t listen to the syncopated beat of calypso music.
Instead, in most of my childhood memories, my father is dressed in a three-piece suit, reserved and quiet. His accent sounds more British than the soft rhythmic tones of the Creole dialect, more colonizer than colonized. Rather than regaling us with stories of his youth or sharing with us the rich cultural heritage of Barbados, he seemed intent on instilling in us the values of steely competitiveness, conformity, and laudation of authority. His influence continues to haunt my academic work where I commonly fall into rigid defense of rules and the status quo despite not being a “real” doctor as he had hoped.
I thought my father had turned his back on his life in Barbados and adopted Canadian customs to succeed as a Black immigrant in Canada, but that is only partly true.
Jillian Sunderland sits on her father’s lap as a baby at a Christmas celebration in Winnipeg in early 1990s. Her brother leans next to the pair. (Submitted by Jillian Sunderland)
I now understand that his assimilationist ambition stemmed from his upbringing when Barbados was still a loyal colony of the British Empire.
Once dubbed “Little England,” Barbados was Britain’s first slave colony and was under British rule from 1625 to 1966. Slavery in the Caribbean was unique in its brutality as plantation owners chose to work the enslaved people to death and decided it was more profitable to buy newly imported slaves than provide for their survival. Profits from these sugar plantations helped line the pockets of the English settlers and the monarchy.
Although slavery was abolished in the British Empire in 1834, Britain still ruled in Barbados until 1966 and endeavoured to “correct” the culture of freed West African slaves. Entitled to attend schools for the first time, Black youths like my father dressed in crisp school uniforms, were taught “correct” deportment, English customs, and allegiance to the Royal Family. Through his formal education, my father inculcated British values and customs and became deeply committed to the Crown. These were the values he imparted to my brother and me.
Yet these distinctly English values didn’t insulate me from the racism I experienced growing up on the Canadian prairies. In my lily-white classroom, schoolmates still called me “ape.” Teachers insensitively commented on my tightly-coiled hair, provoking audible laughter.
As an adult, Jillian Sunderland wears her curly hair with pride. She was bullied for her tight coils as a child. (Jillian Sunderland)
“Friends” rejected my party invitations, claiming their parents had labelled me a “bad seed.” Despite sharing a typical Canadian upbringing, race still served as an insurmountable obstacle to inclusion.
This was the outcome of British imperialism — and it followed my family from Barbados to Canada.
Spurred on by a desire for belonging, I visit Barbados often and search for traces of my family’s lineage. But I have been hampered by my father’s secrecy over his past life and it’s forced me to try to reconstruct my family’s history on my own.
I managed to trace my lineage back to one of my enslaved ancestors before hitting another wall of colonial legacy. Before slavery was abolished, enslaved people were stripped of their family names and forced to take on those of their English owners — as if they were property to be owned.
In 2021, Barbados severed ties with Britain. It removed the Queen as its head of state and became a republic. My father, being a man of tradition, decried this move. He seemingly holds no ill feelings towards the Crown. After all, he believes his English-based education enabled him to advance and build a successful life as an Afro-Caribbean immigrant in Canada.
Yet in my mind, the brutality inflicted on my enslaved ancestors was too big a cost to pay. Even after slavery ended, the imposition of British customs and education on my dad led to his alienation from his roots, customs and practices.
And while he may not feel this loss, I certainly do.
While he denounced the toppling of statues of the Queen and calls to remove her as the head of state, I support it. He can’t understand why I feel the need to trace my legacy or want to talk about the legacy of colonization of Canada and mistreatment of First Nations.
WATCH | Barbados becomes a republic:
Barbados severs ties with the Queen to become a republic
8 months ago
Duration 5:25
After more than 400 years of British colonial ties, Barbados is celebrating having an elected, Black head of state for the first time. Many hope the change encourages Barbadians to take control of the country’s future and will be a step toward getting reparations from the British for the atrocities of slavery.
Even now in conversations with my father, there are insurmountable barriers to us understanding each other’s perspectives.
While this happened in the past, I am left with the residual effects of the British monarchy’s legacy of unfettered imperialism. To me, the Crown’s legacy is one of loss, displacement, brutality, and generational trauma that has made strangers out of kin.
It is a legacy the Royal Family seemingly does not want to deal with, offering only regrets but no apology or reparation.
Maybe someday, my father and I will come to understand one another. But until then, I am stuck doing the work of reconnecting with my roots by myself.
For more stories about the experiences of Black Canadians — from anti-Black racism to success stories within the Black community — check out Being Black in Canada, a CBC project Black Canadians can be proud of. You can read more stories here.
Being Black in Canada highlights stories about Black Canadians. (CBC)
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HOUSTON (AP) — Brian White scored in the second half to rally the Vancouver Whitecaps to a 1-1 draw with the Houston Dynamo on Wednesday night.
Houston (12-9-8) took a 1-0 lead into halftime after Ezequiel Ponce scored on a penalty kick in the seventh minute of stoppage time. Ponce’s third goal this season came after Amine Bassi drew a foul on Whitecaps midfielder Pedro Vite following a video review. It was Ponce’s sixth career appearance, all starts.
Vancouver (13-8-7) scored the equalizer in the 73rd minute when White, who entered in the 60th, used assists from Fafá Picault and Ryan Gauld to find the net for the 13th time this season. Picault’s assist was his fifth, matching his career high for a single season. Gauld’s assist gives him a career-best 13 on the season.
Yohei Takaoka, who had clean sheets in his last three starts, finished with one save in goal for the Whitecaps.
Steve Clark saved three shots for the Dynamo, who remain one point behind Vancouver in the Western Conference standings.
Houston, which was coming off a 4-1 victory over Real Salt Lake, has allowed just 33 goals this season.
Vancouver — 6-2-2 in its last 10 matches overall — leads the all-time series 10-9-6.
The Whitecaps remain on the road to play the Los Angeles Galaxy on Saturday. The Dynamo travel to play Austin FC on Saturday.
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. (AP) — Tom Pearce and Nathan Saliba scored in the second half — the first goals of their careers — and CF Montreal rallied for a 2-2 draw with the New England Revolution on Wednesday night.
“In the second half, the guys came out a little more ambitious and above all, more connected,” Montreal head coach Laurent Courtois said. “It was a great second half of resilience and fighting spirit. Nathan and Sam were impressive.
“Impressive in covering the gaps and compensating for the teammates, and the individual defending – yes it’s true, it is a lot of weight on their shoulders, but that’s the job.”
New England (8-16-4) jumped out to a 1-0 lead in the 24th minute on Bobby Wood’s third goal of the season. Teenage defender Peyton Miller notched his first assist in his fourth career start and sixth appearance and Carles Gil picked up his ninth of the season. Peyton, at 16 years, 315 days old, is the eighth youngest player in league history to record his first assist.
The Revolution took a two-goal lead in the 35th minute and held it through halftime when 19-year-old Esmir Bajraktarevic took a pass from Gil and scored his third goal of the season and career in his first full season in the league. It was the 73rd regular-season assist in Gil’s career, tying him with Steve Ralston for the most in club history.
Montreal (7-12-10) pulled within a goal in the 54th minute when Pearce scored off a free kick after defender George Campbell drew a foul on New England’s Mark-Anthony Kaye. It was the first goal for Pearce in his third career start and fourth appearance.
“Playoffs are the goal. Maybe it wasn’t in the best form, but in the end, we are picking up a point,” Pearce said. “We came into this game confident, ready to play our own game. Everyone tries their best, whenever the players are called on, we are always ready, and we are always giving it our best.”
Montreal scored the equalizer in the 68th minute on the first career goal by Saliba, a 20-year-old midfielder. Saliba has made 34 starts and 48 appearances with Montreal in his two seasons in the league. Campbell snagged his second assist of the season and the third of his career.
“It’s an incredible feeling, it’s a goal I’ve been waiting for a long time. I’m extremely happy that I was able to score it and that it can help the team take this important point on the road,” Saliba said. “Pearce’s first goal gave us really good momentum and we kept up the pressure to go for a second goal. We got more solid defensively, and we came back ready after halftime, to push for these 3 points.”
Aljaz Ivacic finished with four saves in goal for the Revolution.
Jonathan Sirois stopped four shots for Montreal.
New England beat Montreal 5-0 on the road on Aug. 24.
New England leads the all-time series 16-13-4. Montreal improves to 5-8-2 on the road against the Revs.
The Revolution travel to take on Charlotte FC on Saturday. Montreal returns home to host the Chicago Fire on Saturday.
ARLINGTON, Texas (AP) — Adolis García hit a two-run home run in the sixth inning, Cody Bradford pitched seven strong innings after the worst start of his career, and the Texas Rangers beat the Toronto Blue Jays 2-0 on Wednesday night.
The win kept the defending World Series-champion Rangers alive in the AL West race, trailing first-place Houston by 10 games with 10 to play.
García launched an inside sinker over the left-field wall off Toronto starter Bowden Francis (8-5) after Wyatt Langford singled.
“He swings hard, he swings a lot,” Francis said of García. “I guess the velo was dropping during that time.”
Bradford (6-3) allowed five hits and no walks while striking out six.
The seven shutout innings are the most in a game during his two-year career. He was knocked out of his previous start after allowing career highs in hits (nine), runs (eight) and homers (three) in 3 2/3 innings in a 14-4 loss at Arizona.
“Throughout the week, you’ve got to try and digest what happened, see where I can make adjustments, whether it was just game plan went wrong or just poor execution, or a little bit of both,” Bradford said. “Then you flush it.”
Bradford was perfect through four innings before Alejandro Kirk opened the fifth with a smash back to the mound that caromed off Bradford’s left foot and rolled into right field for a single. It extended Kirk’s hitting streak to a career-high 12 games.
Spencer Horwitz’s double to left-center put runners on second and third with no outs before Bradford retired the next three batters.
Blue Jays manager John Schneider credited Bradford’s “deceptive fastball.”
“When you’re throwing 89, 92, you’ve got to have pretty good deception with that at this level,” Schneider said. “Kept us off balance.”
Kirby Yates pitched a perfect ninth inning for his 31st save in 32 opportunities.
Francis, who took no-hitters into the ninth inning in two of his previous four starts, allowed a double to Marcus Semien, the Rangers’ first hitter of the game. He gave up five hits and one walk in six innings.
Francis has a 1.96 ERA in nine starts with 54 strikeouts and seven walks since being moved back into the starting rotation in late July.
“I don’t even want to get complacent, on cruise control,” Francis said. “Just keep attacking.”
TRAINER’S ROOM
Blue Jays: SS Bo Bichette was a late scratch with a right middle finger contusion suffered during infield practice. Schneider said the team will get back x-rays on Thursday. Bichette was activated Tuesday following a calf injury and played for the first time in two months, going 2 for 5 with one RBI at the plate. … INF Will Wagner (left knee inflammation) will have the knee scoped on Thursday. Schneider said Wagner should be ready to start spring training. Wagner, son of former major leaguer Billy Wagner, was acquired from Houston at the trade deadline.
UP NEXT
Rangers rookie RHP Kumar Rocker (0-0, 2.25 ERA) will make his home debut against Blue Jays RHP Kevin Gausman (12-11, 4.02) in the series finale. Rocker allowed one run in four innings at Seattle last Thursday in his major league debut.
