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Canadians seeking closure are finally holding funerals, memorials delayed by COVID-19 – CBC.ca

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For more than a year since Neil McIlveen’s death, his family has been waiting for the opportunity to hold a large gathering to celebrate his life.

When McIlveen died in Hamilton, Ont., in May 2021, lockdown measures meant his relatives were unable to hold a proper funeral service or to physically comfort each other.

“When I needed to hug somebody and say, ‘Oh my God, Neil’s gone,’ there was nothing — so you kind of live in denial a little bit,” said McIlveen’s sister, Ann Marie Burnside.

Burnside’s is one of many families who had to pause their grieving over the past two years, as gathering limits, travel restrictions and infection fears left thousands of Canadians unable to say goodbye to a dying loved one, or to gather to honour their life afterwards.

But as Canada comes out the other side of pandemic restrictions, many families — including McIlveen’s — are planning belated memorial services for this summer. 

Neil McIlveen, left, died in May 2021, during the third wave of COVID-19 in Ontario. His niece Darlene McIlveen, also pictured, says his family is planning to hold a belated celebration of his life next month. (Submitted by Darlene McIlveen)

“People have been in a suspended state of grief for two years, not having that opportunity to mark their [loved one’s] death and celebrate their life,” said Diana Robinson, funeral director at Celebrations of Life Toronto.

About half of her summer clients are holding services for someone who passed away in 2020.

“These people have had this delayed grief experience … and you can really see the effects on the families like that.”

Similarly, Lougheed Funeral Home in Sudbury, Ont., holds about five memorial services each Saturday, and about half of those are for families who are making up for pandemic delays, says managing director Gerry Lougheed.

Grief on pause

Funeral directors say many bereaved families are discovering their grief is no less painful now than it was at the time of a death months or years ago.

“We did a service recently for a young gentleman that passed away almost two years ago, and the service was like the passing had just happened — it was still so fresh and raw,” said Kelsi Palmer from Speers Funeral Chapel in Regina. 

“Even though time has gone on since that person has left, it really feels like day one for those family and friends that didn’t get the chance at that time to have a proper farewell and gathering.”

During lockdowns, some families used video platforms like Zoom to say a final goodbye to a loved one or to watch a funeral. In this photo, a mother and daughter view a burial service online from their home in Orefield, Pa., on April 29, 2020. (Matt Rourke/The Associated Press)

That feeling is a familiar one for McIlveen’s family. Only two relatives were able to visit him in hospital before his death, holding up a phone to his ear so others could say goodbye.

The “gregarious and very outgoing” secondary school teacher had asked his relatives to hold “a big party” after his death, his niece Darlene McIlveen said.

But with gathering sizes limited, and restrictions on travel making it a challenge for another of his sisters to fly in from New Zealand, those plans were put on hold — and so was his family’s mourning.

“Last year, it seemed like a fantasy that we would ever have a big party…. There’s this lack of closure, this continuous grieving that happens,” Darlene McIlveen said.

They are hoping some of that closure comes next month, when about 100 family and friends gather to remember her beloved uncle, and to start to let go of the grief they’ve held onto for the past 14 months.

“It’s something that I’ve really not dealt with … I’m expecting [the party] to be really tough,” Burnside said.

How the pandemic changed grieving

While many families feel the time is right to finally mourn, others feel like too much time has passed, and they no longer plan to hold a service.

“Some people have said … ‘I don’t think it’s relevant to my grieving journey,’ and also, ‘I don’t think I want to bring back those memories,'” said Lougheed, the funeral director.

But skipping a ceremony could mean missing an opportunity to heal from grief, says Dr. Harvey Max Chochinov, a professor of psychiatry and palliative care expert at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, who is leading a team researching the pandemic’s effects on bereavement and grief.

“Grief doesn’t wear a watch or own a calendar, it takes place in its own time course, so even if it’s after the fact, having an occasion where people can gather … to say ‘We’re here to talk about this person,’ just to say what they meant in our lives, can be healing.”

WATCH | End-of-life care expert says ‘it’s never too late to grieve’: 

‘It’s never too late to grieve,’ expert says

4 days ago

Duration 1:59

Dr. Harvey Max Chochinov, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Manitoba, says belated funerals for people who died during the pandemic can give their loved ones a chance to move forward in their grief.

He says people who couldn’t be by a dying family member’s bedside, and instead had to say goodbye over Zoom or FaceTime, were left feeling like they didn’t have a chance to provide care and affirmation to their loved one at the end of their life.

The inability to hold a timely and fitting funeral soon after their loved one’s death has made it harder for people to move forward in their grief, Chochinov says, but holding some form of in-person remembrance event — however belated — can help with moving on.

“It’s not only listening to the words that are said … but also the touch, the hugs, seeing a look in another person’s eye and knowing that in this moment, you and I are sharing this collective time of grieving together,” he said.

“It allows us to take control back in some ways so that [while] we didn’t have a say over the fate of our loved one, we can make sure that that person is remembered and acknowledged in a way that would be fitting of who they were in our lives.”

Mark Irvine’s family — spread between Ontario, Alberta and Scotland — has waited two years to gather for a proper farewell for his father, John, who died in Edmonton in August of 2020.

They planned to take his father’s remains back to Rothesay, Scotland, last year, before rising COVID-19 cases twice forced them to postpone the trip.

“We were like, ‘in just a few more months, just a few more months.'”

Now, Irvine and family have just two more weeks to wait until they fly to Scotland to finally lay his father to rest and hold a celebration of life with their extended family.

“For my mother, it was non-negotiable: it’s critical that Dad goes back … and we’re going to close this out the way it should be done, and that’s with my dad in Rothesay.”

John Irvine, left, pictured here with his family, died in Edmonton in August 2020. His wife and children will travel from Canada to Scotland to hold a celebration of life service next month. (Supplied by Mark Irvine)

Irvine says the family was lucky they were able to organize their trip around school holidays, time off work, and another family event in Rothesay — an example of the new level of flexibility that the pandemic has brought to arranging memorial services, including how soon they should take place after a death.

“[Before COVID], when somebody died, it was like, ‘Okay, we’ve got to do something the next few days, and I’m going to have to leave work, and I have to get my grandchildren from school,’ whatever it is,” Lougheed said.

“Because of the delays with COVID, people now say, ‘What is the convenient date for us to grieve?'”

Planning belated memorials

Lougheed suggests instead of plucking a date at random, people choose a significant date for their memorial — for instance, the deceased person’s wedding anniversary.

“That’s a date that’s going to have memories anyway. Why not use that as the day to gather family and say, ‘Let’s get out the wedding pictures, let’s celebrate that good day.’ And you know what? We may shed some tears. We’re also going to have lots of laughter and we’re going to say, ‘Boy, look at how my hairstyle was 30 years ago.'”

Another challenge families face is how to get the word out to their loved one’s wider community, including friends and colleagues.

Robinson suggests using a digital invitation and RSVP service, such as Greenvelope, which can be shared via email, social media and text message, and posted to community and organization websites.

As for deciding on the format of a service, Chochinov says people should follow their intuition and “celebrate who that person was in ways that feel authentic.”

“After a year or two has passed, the feelings that we have and the way in which they manifest may be quite different than in the days and weeks after a death, so if it feels more like a celebration and less like a funeral, that’s perfectly fine.”

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Health workers go on trial in Turkey accused of private care scheme linked to 10 infant deaths

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November 18, 2024

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ISTANBUL (AP) — Doctors, nurses and an ambulance driver are among 47 people on trial accused of causing the deaths of 10 infants as part of an alleged scheme to defraud Turkey’s social security system.

The defendants are accused of transferring babies to neonatal units of 19 private hospitals where the infants were allegedly kept for prolonged and sometimes unnecessary treatments. At least 10 newborns are alleged to have died in the past year due to neglect or malpractice in facilities that were unprepared to treat them.

Prosecutors at the trial, which opened in Istanbul on Monday, say the defendants also falsified reports to make the babies’ condition appear more serious with the aim obtaining payments from the social security institution.

The main defendants have denied any wrongdoing, insisting they made the best possible decisions and face punishment for unavoidable unwanted outcomes.

The case, which emerged last month, has sparked public outrage and calls for a greater oversight of the health care system. Authorities have since revoked the licenses and closed nine of the 19 hospitals that were implicated in the scandal.

Dr. Firat Sari, the main defendant who operated the neonatal intensive care units of several private hospitals in Istanbul, is facing a sentence of up to 583 years in prison.

He is charged with establishing an organization with the aim of committing a crime, defrauding public institutions, forgery of official documents, and homicide by negligence.

During questioning by prosecutors, Sari denied accusations that the babies were not given the proper care, that the neonatal units were understaffed or that his employees were not appropriately qualified, according to a 1,400-page indictment.

He told prosecutors: “Everything is in accordance with procedures.”

Dozens of demonstrators joined protests outside the courthouse, chanting: “Baby killers will be held accountable” and “‘Private hospitals should be shut down.”

Over 350 families have petitioned prosecutors or other state institutions seeking investigations into the deaths of their loved ones, according to state media.

Among them is Hacire Akinci, 42, who lost her baby last year after eight years of fertility treatments.

“They gave us a medical report that said the baby had died of natural causes. But apparently that wasn’t the case,” she told reporters outside the courthouse. “I want charges to be brought, I want justice to be served.”

The case has led to calls for the resignation of Health Minister Kemal Memisoglu, who was the Istanbul provincial health director at the time some of the deaths occurred. Ozgur Ozel, the main opposition party leader, has called for all hospitals involved to be seized by the state and nationalized.

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan said those responsible for the deaths would be severely punished but warned against placing all the blame on the country’s health care system.

“We will not allow our health care community to be battered because of a few rotten apples,” said Erdogan.

—

Associated Press writer Suzan Fraser contributed from Ankara, Turkey.

The Canadian Press. All rights reserved.



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6 monkeys are still on the loose from a South Carolina compound after dozens escaped

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November 18, 2024

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YEMASSEE, S.C. (AP) — Six monkeys were still on the loose early Monday after dozens escaped earlier this month from a South Carolina compound that breeds the primates for medical research, according to authorities.

Two more Rhesus macaques were trapped Sunday outside the Alpha Genesis facility in Yemassee, bringing the total of recovered monkeys to 37 of the 43 that escaped, Alpha Genesis CEO Greg Westergaard said in a statement relayed by Yemassee Police in a social media post.

Both monkeys recaptured Sunday were examined and were in “excellent condition,” said Westergaard, who was present when they were recovered.

“I can attest with absolute certainty that their spirits were high and they showed all the outward signs of being happy well-adjusted monkeys,” he said. “We are very pleased that the animals recovered thus far are in such good condition, and that they show no ill effects from their outdoor adventure.”

Two other monkeys were spotted near the traps Sunday afternoon and Alpha Genesis planned to begin trapping efforts before dawn Monday and continue through the day.

Forty-three monkeys made a break for it Nov. 6 after an employee at what locals call “the monkey farm” did not fully lock their enclosure, police said.

Alpha Genesis has said efforts to recover all the monkeys will continue for as long as it takes at its compound about a mile (1.6 kilometers) from downtown Yemassee and about 50 miles (80 kilometers) northeast of Savannah, Georgia.

The monkeys are about the size of a cat. They are all females weighing about 7 pounds (3 kilograms).

Humans have been using the monkeys for scientific research since the late 1800s. Scientists believe Rhesus macaques and humans split from a common ancestor about 25 million years ago and share about 93% of the same DNA.

The monkeys pose no risk to public health, Alpha Genesis, federal health officials and police have all said. The facility breeds the monkeys to sell to medical facilities and other researchers.

If people encounter the monkeys, they are advised to stay away from them — and to not fly drones in the area. The company said they are skittish and might run away from where they are gathered.

The Canadian Press. All rights reserved.



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A look at Rafael Nadal’s 22 Grand Slam titles as he prepares to retire after the Davis Cup

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November 18, 2024

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MALAGA, Spain (AP) — Rafael Nadal showed up at the French Open for the first time as a teenager in 2005 and left as the champion. He won it for the final time in 2022 at age 36 — his last major championship anywhere.

Fittingly, his bookend Grand Slam titles came at Roland Garros, and it’s impossible to discuss Nadal’s career without mentioning that site. Still, it’s also important to remember that he completed a career Grand Slam, earning at least two trophies at each of his sport’s four most prestigious tournaments.

As Nadal, now 38, gets set to head into retirement after the Davis Cup Final 8 — which begins Tuesday with his country, Spain, facing the Netherlands — here is a look at his 22 major triumphs, starting with the most recent:

No. 22: 2022 French Open

Final: Beat Casper Ruud 6-3, 6-3, 6-0

What He Did: Improved to 14-0 in French Open finals after getting nerve-dulling injections in his left foot.

What He Said: “It’s obvious that with the circumstances that I am playing (in), I can’t — and I don’t want to — keep going.”

No. 21: 2022 Australian Open

Final: Beat Daniil Medvedev 2-6, 6-7 (5), 6-4, 6-4, 7-5

What He Did: Became the first man in 57 years to win an Australian Open final after dropping the first two sets.

What He Said: “I just wanted to keep believing till the end.”

No. 20: 2020 French Open

Final: Beat Novak Djokovic 6-0, 6-2, 7-5

What He Did: Pulled even with rival Federer at 20 Slam titles. Won the French Open without dropping a set for the fourth time.

What He Said: “In terms of these records, of course I care.”

No. 19: 2019 U.S. Open

Final: Beat Medvedev 7-5, 6-3, 5-7, 4-6, 6-4

What He Did: Became the first man to win majors after turning 30.

What He Said: “The nerves were so high. A crazy match.”

No. 18: 2019 French Open

Final: Beat Dominic Thiem 6-3, 5-7, 6-1, 6-1

What He Did: Became the first tennis player to win any Slam tournament a dozen times.

What He Said: “Let’s see for how long I am able to manage and to continue this.”

No. 17: 2018 French Open

Final: Beat Thiem 6-4, 6-3, 6-2

What He Did: Got past Thiem, the only man to beat Nadal on clay in 2017 or 2018.

What He Said: “If you tell me seven, eight years ago, that I will be here … having this trophy with me again, I will tell you that is something almost impossible. But here we are.”

No. 16: 2017 U.S. Open

Final: Beat Kevin Anderson 6-3, 6-3, 6-4

What He Did: Won his second major title of the season following a 2 1/2-year drought without an appearance in a major final.

What He Said: “After a couple of years without competing at this very high, high level, very happy to be back.”

No. 15: 2017 French Open

Final: Beat Stan Wawrinka 6-2, 6-3, 6-1

What He Did: Won every set and dropped just 35 games in the tournament.

What He Said: “A perfect Roland Garros for me.”

No. 14: 2014 French Open

Final: Beat Djokovic 3-6, 7-5, 6-2, 6-4

What He Did: Won a record fifth French Open in a row and pulled even with Pete Sampras at 14 career Slam titles.

What He Said: “Playing here in Roland Garros is just unforgettable.”

No. 13: 2013 U.S. Open

Final: Beat Djokovic 6-2, 3-6, 6-4, 6-1

What He Did: Improved to 60-3 with 10 titles that year.

What He Said: “This season is probably the most emotional one in my career.”

No. 12: 2013 French Open

Final: Beat David Ferrer 6-3, 6-2, 6-3

What He Did: Came back from an injured left knee that sidelined him for more than six months. Ferrer is now Spain’s Davis Cup captain.

What He Said: “I never like to compare years, but it’s true that this year means something very special for me.”

No. 11: 2012 French Open

Final: Beat Djokovic 6-4, 6-3, 2-6, 7-5

What He Did: Won a rain-interrupted, two-day title match to break Bjorn Borg’s men’s record of six titles in Paris and prevent Djokovic from winning a fourth consecutive major championship.

What He Said: “My mental part, probably, on clay is one of the most important things.”

No. 10: 2011 French Open

Final: Beat Roger Federer 7-5, 7-6 (3), 5-7, 6-1

What He Did: Improved to 4-0 against Federer in French Open finals.

What He Said: “If I win this tournament, I know my year is fantastic.”

No. 9: 2010 U.S. Open

Final: Beat Djokovic 6–4, 5–7, 6–4, 6–2

What He Did: Earned a third consecutive Slam trophy and first in New York, completing a career Grand Slam.

What He Said: “I’m still 24, so we will see where I am when I finish my career.”

No. 8: 2010 Wimbledon

Final: Beat Tomas Berdych 6-3, 7-5, 6-4

What He Did: Swept the French Open and Wimbledon in one season for the second time; couldn’t defend his 2009 title at the All England Club because of a knee problem.

What He Said: “If you want to play well, (you’re) going to find a way.”

No. 7: 2010 French Open

Final: Beat Robin Soderling 6-4, 6-2, 6-4

What He Did: Didn’t drop a set; capped it off by defeating Soderling, who handed Nadal his first French Open loss a year earlier.

What He Said: “I’m back.”

No. 6: 2009 Australian Open

Final: Beat Federer 7-5, 3-6, 7-6 (3), 3-6, 6-2

What He Did: Picked up his third win in a row over Federer in major finals.

What He Said: “To receive this trophy from Rod Laver is a dream for me.”

No. 5: 2008 Wimbledon

Final: Beat Federer 6-4, 6-4, 6-7 (5), 6-7 (8), 9-7

What He Did: Won a thriller that ended with the light fading to claim a major other than the French Open for the first time and prevent Federer from earning a sixth consecutive Wimbledon title.

What He Said: “He deserved this title, too.”

No. 4: 2008 French Open

Final: Beat Federer 6-1, 6-3, 6-0

What He Did: The most lopsided French Open men’s final since 1977 allowed Nadal to become the first man since Borg in 1980 to win the event without dropping a set.

What He Said: “I am humble, but the numbers are the numbers.”

No. 3: 2007 French Open

Final: Beat Federer 6-3, 4-6, 6-3, 6-4

What He Did: Saved 16 of 17 break points and became only the second man since 1914 (Borg is the other) with three consecutive French Open trophies.

What He Said: “I am very happy, but I am really sad for Roger.”

No. 2: 2006 French Open

Final: Beat Federer 1-6, 6-1, 6-4, 7-6 (4)

What He Did: Ended Federer’s 27-match Grand Slam winning streak and handed him his first loss in a major final (Federer had been 7-0).

What He Said: “A bit of luck, a bit of tennis, a bit of mental attitude.”

No. 1: 2005 French Open

Final: Beat Mariano Puerta 6-7 (6), 6-3, 6-1, 7-5

What He Did: Two days after turning 19, Nadal became the first man to win the French Open in his debut since Mats Wilander in 1982.

What He Said: “When you reach your goal, it’s an extraordinary moment. For the first time, I cried after winning a match.”

___

Howard Fendrich has been the AP’s tennis writer since 2002. Find his stories here: https://apnews.com/author/howard-fendrich. More AP tennis:



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