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That is not always the case, and it is very distressing to read your recommendation.
My 90-year-old aunt was informed of a child fathered by her deceased husband.
This information has destroyed her life, her memories and her health. She held onto her husband’s ashes with instructions that when she dies, both their ashes would be scattered jointly.
She was so distraught she threw his ashes in the trash. Her family has been torn apart.
My cousins no longer speak to each other, half supporting the half-brother, and the other half supporting their mother.
Not all “family secrets” result in rainbows and flowers. Many are destructive and serve no purpose. — Secrets are to be Kept
Dear Secrets: This is heartbreaking.
I have never claimed that disclosing family secrets results in rainbows and flowers, far from it. Ideally, people would be truthful about their lives during their lives, reducing the trauma of a long-buried secret being disclosed.
When disclosure could be traumatic for an elderly family member, that person’s immediate welfare should come first. And any dramatic disclosure should be handled with sensitivity and a thorough and empathetic witnessing.
Dear Amy: I would like to add to your response to “Disappointed” whose longtime neighbour and friend “hit on” her.
She stated this is an elderly man, and that he has never behaved in this manner before. My first concern would be that perhaps he is experiencing mental changes due to dementia.
I would cautiously observe his behaviour to see if there are any other unusual behaviours. If there are, a supportive discussion with his wife would be in order. I have seen this many times. — Concerned
Dear Concerned: Many readers suggested that this neighbour might be experiencing some cognitive decline.
