Health
‘CDC Says’ Jokes Trend After New Covid-19 Isolation, Quarantine Guideline Changes – Forbes
This past Monday, the Centers Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommended reducing how long someone has to stay isolated after testing positive for the Covd-19 coronavirus. This seemed to elicit quite a few “say whats?” The concern was this and the CDC decreasing recommended quarantine times might be premature relaxations. The “say what” reactions may have, in turn, spawned a “CDC says” trend on Twitter. Many of these “CDC says” tweets weren’t quite the same as “Simon says,” though.
It used to be that those infected with the severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2) had to remain isolated for at least 10 days. The recommended length of quarantine after being potentially exposed to the SARS-CoV-2 was similar: 10 to 14 days. That was based on scientific studies that showed how long those infected may shed the virus as I covered previously for Forbes.
Yet, on December 27, the CDC announced that “people with COVID-19 should isolate for 5 days and if they are asymptomatic or their symptoms are resolving (without fever for 24 hours), follow that by 5 days of wearing a mask when around others to minimize the risk of infecting people they encounter.”
They applied this same recommendation to those who are unvaccinated and quarantining because of possible exposure to SARS-CoV-2. Those who are vaccinated and boosted against Covid-19 now don’t even have to quarantine and just have to wear a face mask for 10 days after the exposure. Nicholas Reimann covered these changes for Forbes on December 27. Telling someone who still remains unvaccinated to wear a face mask properly for 10 days? Gee, what could possibly go wrong there?
The CDC announcement indicated that these changes are “motivated by science demonstrating that the majority of SARS-CoV-2 transmission occurs early in the course of illness, generally in the 1-2 days prior to onset of symptoms and the 2-3 days after.” However, majority only means more than 50%. It doesn’t mean all. Plus, studies have shown that people can shed the virus well beyond five days. Some have wondered whether these changes were prompted by large employers wanting to get their employees back on the job sooner. For example:
There was also some shall we say more sarcastic responses to the changes in CDC guidance such as:
And an arrangement that may leave you breathless:
As well as a quarantine when convenient for your workplace tweet:
There was also this “I’m dead” suggestion:
The concern is that the shorter isolation and quarantine periods could let more infectious people slip through and expose themselves to others. In this case, expose themselves means expose the viruses that they are carrying to others. Plus, is this really the best time to make such changes, in the middle of a Winter Covid-19 surge, further fueled by the Omicron variant?
As you can see, the latter three tweets included the words “CDC says.” One of them even had a hashtag #cdcsays. Soon after the CDC announcement, the Twittersphere began offering such “CDC says” tweets. For example, the following tweet suggested that other types of risky behavior might be OK now:
Naturally, texting your ex while drunk is almost always a bad idea. A possible exception might be when you are on fire and your ex happens to be the only one with a fire extinguisher. In that case, though, make sure that your text doesn’t just say, “I’m on fire.” It should include the word “really” or “I now realize that saying ‘in your pants’ too often can have its consequences especially at your workplace, so I am truly sorry, but for Pete’s sake bring me the fire extinguisher” as well.
Speaking of “on fire,” take a look at this tweet:
Again, it’s important to clarify what “on fire” really means.
The CDC, of course, did not say that you can text your ex when you’re drunk. And the CDC didn’t say that going into an inferno at work is OK. If you haven’t realized it yet, many of these “CDC says” tweets were a bit tongue in cheek, as opposed to tongue in pocket, which would be a medical emergency.
Speaking of tongue:
To be fair, the CDC never officially said not to lick random people. Typically, though, it’s not a good idea to lick people unless you actually know them, they’re fully vaccinated and boosted, and they have actually asked you to lick them. People are not ice cream cones. And licking would be another way of transmitting the SARS-CoV-2, no matter how many disinfecting wipes people may have available.
Speaking of wipes:
Is this a swipe left or swipe right on Tinder thing? This tweet didn’t specify where exactly you would be wiping. But presumably it doesn’t refer to the Karate Kid movie.
This tweet may have been referring to directions near the end of a toilet trip. You may have heard the axiom “always wipe front-to-back.” That’s because your butt tends to constitute your backside and your vagina tends to be more towards your front. If this direction on your body is somehow reversed, either stop looking backwards constantly or contact your doctor as soon as you can.
Despite what the tweet above said, “always wipe front-to-back” should continue to apply since what happens in your butt should stay in your butt as far as bacteria is concerned. Wiping it forward could transfer the bacteria from your anus up into your vagina or your urethra. That could cause some nasty infections.
Speaking of nasty infections:
Umm, wearing a condom during sex is not like wearing knight’s armor during sex. A condom is not going to spoil the mood like the clanging of metal armor might. No, a condom is designed to allow good sex while preventing the transmission of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. Assuming that you’ve had real sex-ed, this information shouldn’t be a shock to you.
Speaking of shock:
Yeah, don’t do this. You may love your avocado toast but wait until you are done with your bath before preparing any such thing.
And here’s some trashy advice:
Umm, the CDC didn’t actually say this either. And neither did the TV show Sesame Street, regardless of what Oscar the Grouch may be doing.
The Twittersphere blowback, so to speak, included this “CDC says” tweet as well:
This certainly ain’t true. You can still end up in the can if you were to put cocaine in soda.
So for now, be a bit careful when you search for “CDC says”, “CDC recommends”, #CDCsays, or #CDCrecommends on social media. You may get something like this:
Take all such advice with 10 days worth of salt. The word “password” is not a good password since everyone know that “wherearemypants” is the best one.
It’s certainly not easy being in the CDC’s position. Undoubtedly, many politicians, companies, and other organizations continue to lobby for what they want. But not everyone lobbying will be able to see what is better for everyone in the long run. During such a public health emergency, the number one goal should be to prevent the virus from hurting people. This in the long run will end up helping nearly all sectors and society.
Consistency is important as well. Some pointed out how the isolation and quarantine guidelines have gotten shorter and shorter even though the Covid-19 cases and deaths have kept piling up since early 2020:
And this tweet pointed out how isolation guidance hadn’t yet changed for cats:
This could create a rather tense situation if many of your co-workers happen to be cats. The discrepancies in guidance have gotten some to wonder whether guidelines have become a bit too situational:
Plus, there are solutions to current problems that don’t involve messing with the virus. Take potential employee shortages, for example. Rather than shortening isolation and quarantine times, maybe it would be better to find ways to, you know, hire more employees. That can be more of an issue for someone to address besides the CDC such as the Department of Labor. After all, the CDC can’t change the fact that someone infected with the virus can shed the virus for longer than five days. The viruses are not going to say, “oh since you need people to return to work, we are going to cool it on this replicating thing and not reproduce for so long.” No, that’s not what virus says.
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We look at celebrities and we ask ourselves how they manage to stay in peak physical shape, look 30 years younger than they are and have pure, fresh skin.
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Her published research is based on the grounds that our cavemen (and women) ancestors had much more resilience, health, lack of disease and natural skin/hair that we could ever hope to achieve now.
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On every diet, and this is what totally gets to me, they’ll either allow you to eat complete junk and pass it off as a replacement meal to some of the fattier foods we enjoy or the diet is so hard that we give up.Who wants to eat chemicals and hidden sugars and equally who is brave enough to eat a carrot stick meal every day? It’s mental.The problem is, and I know this first hand, some of the things we cut back on and starve ourselves from is actually not all that bad for you and some of the yucky stuff that we force ourselves to eat more of is actually secretly ruining our weight loss goals or having no effect at all.In order to get not just slim but also (long-term) into peak and perfect healthor optimal vitality – we need the RIGHT information from someone who knows exactly WHAT THE PERFECT FOODS ARE IN ACCORDANCE WITH OUR BODIES and why.It needs to be visibly working, perfect for how our bodies actually work (not the rubbish we’ve been told), 100% healthy and natural, recommended, proven, researched, tasty, diverse (so that we don’t die of boredom) endorsed by the best food expert on the planet and not difficult to follow with regards to our modern food options.There’s only one diet that to date can and does achieve all of the above:The Paleo Diet. It ticks all these boxes without fail.From today, you can now learn how this amazing diet works and follow it yourself so thatHaving a good meal plan is just not enough! It’s only half the battle! You need to understand your body, what it needs, what it doesn’t need and exactly what to eat and when. Doing it with misguided information is just pointless.And who else to take advice from that a doctor that has actually developed this diet based on all the downfalls and shortcomings of the past fad diets. She instead developed her own based on the healthiest people in history and now you can model it too…Becoming just like those glowing celebs has never been so accessible, trust me
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‘How to be fit and skinny’ books miss one thing when they try to help us.That diets are not easy… why is that?Because they focus on lack. On cutting down and cutting off and cutting out.And it’s dramatically unnecessary.With the Paleo Diet, as some of the healthiest stars are aware, you can still eat delicious and amazing foods…. As long as you know what you’re doing.All fats aren’t bad – there are good fats out there. You just got to open your eyes, stop believing in random diets and stick with one that is scientifically sound and has done all the work for you. Don’t you want to live at your very best for once and stop just ‘getting by’ when it comes to health, nutrition and beauty?The secret to amazing skin, a great weight and an enjoyable lifestyle is finally here.
Times have changed. We might not be out hunting a carcass and dragging it back to the cave anymore but we can use what we know from nature to benefit us.And let me tell you something, once you stop screwing around with the way that nature intended and behave and live the way you were designed … that’s when everything starts to go right.When you are in alignment with natural body processes, following a healthy regime that is as close to what the body needs as it can get – there is no such thing as fat or disease or depression.Because you will be feeding your very cells with the stuff that it needs. The right stuff.And no diet can claim that except this one. Because it’s been tested again and again.In fact the body only needs a few rules, and once you know what those rules are – what you can eat and not eat, what is great and not so great… well, then how the heck can you ever get fact?Obesity or illness is not natural.It may be forced upon us by low quality food, poor information, and stress but it is not how the body wants to experience itself.All you need just like the many celebs who stay in their little bubble of perfection, is a few secrets, a little information, AN ACTUAL EATING PLAN and some advice as to how it’s done at a peak level.That’s why I have a guide for youtoday that will explain the Paleo diet and how to use it so that you never have to eat badly again or give up stuff that you don’t have to.You’ll also understand more about yourself and your body than you’ve ever done.Knowledge is power. It’s beauty, it’s health and it’s energy.You can join the mosteffective and successfuldietand lifestyle out there and know that you are doing your body and your future a massive favour.Without first reading this book, unless you are randomly lucky, you will give up way before you have to and not make the most of the lengthy research set up for you today.It will show you exactly (step by step) how to begin the diet in a way you’ll actually achieve and maintain so that you can feel better than you’ve done ever before
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– What the paleo diet is and why its so different to other diets– Themyths no one will tell you about everyday foods– Your easy and diverse plan to eating on the paleo diet– Understanding how your body actually works and what it needs without fail– The avoidable mistakes that most healthy eaters make– How to get ideal skin and shape with the paleo diet concept– How celebs use the paleo diet– Actual case studies of Hollywood stars who swear by paleo and why– Hollywood eating secrets that are easier than you imagine– The strange quirks of good fats– How to make the most from this diet
This book is loaded with only essential information – no junk- so that you can get started quickly and without confusing technical terms or jargon.
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