Mehak Shoeb’s taking a break from using dating apps.
After years of swiping, the 31-year-old human resources professional from Toronto says she’s reached a point where she needs a breather.
“I just feel like with anything, when you invest too much of your energy and you’re not getting the outcome that you want, you kind of need to take a step back,” Shoeb said.
She’s not alone. CBC News spoke to several dating app users across Canada who said they feel dissatisfied with platforms like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge.
Dating apps have been around for at least a decade, and have become a chief way for people to meet each other.
But app researchers and therapists told CBC News that some users are now feeling burnt out after spending so much time on the apps, because of how they make them feel.
Mehak Shoeb has been using dating apps on and off for years. She says while they can be fun and help you meet new people, the apps should be used in moderation. (Image submitted by Mehak Shoeb. Photo illustration by Steven Silcox/CBC)
“You’re chatting with people and the conversations just go nowhere,” said Taly Levinsky, a 28-year-old from Vancouver. “And the burnout comes from just, like, continuously experiencing these types of lacklustre matches.”
Natasha Streiling, who lives in Victoria, says the apps are creating a culture of burnout.
“The endless swiping, the endlessly reading people’s profiles and the trying to figure out what to say to people,” the 28-year-old said.
Research from Singles Reports, a data analytics company, shows people are frustrated by the online search for love. The 2022 survey looked at 500 adults in the U.S. between the ages of 18 and 54 who had used at least one app in the previous 12 months. Nearly 80 per cent of respondents said they’d dealt with some form of emotional fatigue or burnout with online dating.
Some counsellors like Jessica Taylor say they’re seeing more patients burnt out from the apps.
“I think this problem is coming from just the apps themselves, you know, and we haven’t really figured out the best way to use them,” said Taylor, who’s based in Denver.
What is burnout?
Burnout feels like you’ve reached your capacity, says Sadaf Siddiqi, a psychotherapist in New York who works with people on issues like anxiety and difficult relationships.
It can manifest physically, mentally or emotionally, and any area of your life can trigger it, Siddiqi says. But it can look different for everyone, and some people — like introverts or people already struggling with their mental health — can feel it worse, she adds.
In relation to dating apps, burnout can present itself in a few ways, therapists told CBC News.
You may no longer find it enjoyable to use the apps, and you may catch yourself getting frustrated, exhausted or anxious. You might be swiping on fewer profiles, ending conversations quickly and feeling disinterest or negativity with the apps or dating.
It could look like “wanting a relationship, but honestly, just downloading the app and then quickly deleting it or not engaging with the app at all,” said Taylor.
Some apps like Bumble and Hinge have acknowledged that their platforms can affect people’s mental health, and have shared tips on how to manage those effects.
Here’s what dating app burnout looks like
After years of swiping, have we reached the point of dating app burnout? Therapists and researchers say that might be the case.
The rise of gamification
It might be difficult to use the apps in moderation because they’re designed to keep you hooked, according to Kathryn Coduto, an online dating and internet behaviour researcher and an assistant professor of media science at Boston University.
“They are businesses and they want their users to stay on them.”
“Part of what the algorithm is trying to do is trying to show you matches that you might be interested in, but you’re also going to get some that maybe aren’t as good because you have to swipe through those to stay on there,” she said.
If that sounds like a game, you’re not wrong. Coduto points to the subtle gamification of apps as one way they keep users reeled in.
The algorithm encourages you to swipe and chat — even past your dissatisfaction or annoyance. You’re prompted to talk to matches you haven’t yet spoken to and even buy in-app features to boost your chances of finding someone.
“I think the swipe interface, the gamification, leads to burnout because it doesn’t feel like there’s a genuine connection being sought,” Coduto said. “People also get exhausted from just having to judge other people based on their photos. And that leads to feelings of almost hypocrisy or feeling like you’re shallow.”
Agraj Rathi, a 27-year-old copywriter in Vancouver, says the amount of time he spent dating due to the apps impacted him negatively.
“I just felt like I was going on too many dates. I would go on maybe … a couple of new dates every month,” said Rathi. “And I just felt like I was losing myself in a way.”
“It’s �… kind of like an addiction.”
Six users in the U.S. made similar accusations against the dating apps in court, bringing forward a proposed class action in February against Match Group, which owns Hinge, Tinder and Match.
They accused the company of negligence and of having a predatory business model. The suit claims the platforms’ gamification turns users into “gamblers locked in a search for psychological rewards.”
Match Group denied the claims. A spokesperson said the suit was “ridiculous and has zero merit.”
The gamification of dating apps has made it easier for more users to become addicted to the apps, a researcher says. (Photo illustration by Steven Silcox/CBC)
Ghosting and other not-so-nice behaviours
Burnout also stems from users and how they act on the platforms, say Taylor and Siddiqi.
There’s the routine, robotic introductory conversations that never seem to flourish into anything interesting, let alone a first date. Or the cycling through different apps, talking to multiple people in the hope of finding something meaningful. There’s even the fear of being catfished — where a user pretends to be someone else online.
And perhaps everyone’s least favourite scenario: being ghosted, where someone stops communication without any explanation.
“Dating culture definitely brought to the forefront how detrimental ghosting is to someone’s mental health,” Siddiqi said.
But, she said, people who ghost others might also be feeling overwhelmed themselves, and don’t have the skills to communicate how they’re feeling.
With all these scenarios playing out on the apps, it can sometimes feel like no one is making an effort anymore. Siddiqi says a prime issue she sees with young people and dating apps is not giving relationships enough time to blossom.
“If you know that there’s more options once things get hard, you’re more likely to give up on that option and just move on to the next.”
Rachel Katz, a dating app researcher and digital media sociologist in the U.K., says users might often clash because of their different goals on the apps. People are likely to burn out the more they match with those who don’t want the same thing as them, she says.
Shoeb says as she’s gotten older, she’s more aware of what she is looking for on the apps, and it doesn’t include something “really casual.”
“That’s just not where I’m at right now.”
In her research, Coduto says she’s seen the offline effects of using dating apps and how they interrupt people in their daily lives. (Photo illustration by Steven Silcox/CBC)
Traditional dating is getting tougher
Like others, Shoeb says she would love to meet someone in person, but traditional dating has become a “little bit harder.”
Going up to someone and starting a conversation isn’t as common anymore, she says.
“Today, people don’t do that as much, because they might think it’s coming across weird or it’s not going to be reciprocated.”
But Streiling says she’s been focusing on meeting people in real life in recent years, and says the resulting connections from doing so are much more organic.
“Dating apps are kind of losing their sparkle that they initially had, because we’re … losing the human connection of it all.”
Cross Country Checkup1:51:53Have online apps made dating better or worse?
Dating apps have changed the way many pursue relationships — some experts say they’ve gamified the experience and that might be why some are finding it exhausting. TikTok videos featuring people fed up with dating are racking up millions of views. What’s your dating app story?
Not all doom and gloom
Though some users have reached a tipping point with the platforms for varied reasons, it doesn’t mean that they don’t work for anyone.
A 2020 survey of nearly 5,000 adults in the U.S. found that 12 per cent have married or been in a committed relationship with someone they met online.
And Shoeb says while she’s currently in a dating “low period,” two of her previous relationships blossomed through the apps.
“I am an advocate for dating apps, but I think you have to do it in moderation, and you have to intentionally date.”
Better ways to use the apps
But despite the challenges, it’s safe to say dating apps are here to stay.
So how can you best navigate them? The therapists and researchers we spoke to pointed to a few different measures.
Take breaks from the app, even if it means deleting it for a period of time.
Use only one app at a time, and don’t talk to multiple people at once if it overwhelms you. This includes avoiding binging on the app — so no swiping for hours.
And try your best to not use the platforms if you’re already feeling stressed or tired, like when you’re at work or school.
Importantly, Siddiqi says, be mindful of and respect your limits as best as you can.
“My biggest tip for having a constructive experience on dating apps is to increase your self-awareness,” she said.
“Don’t judge yourself, don’t shame yourself, just know how you operate.”
It’s something Shoeb has been doing until she’s ready to get back out on the dating scene.
“Dating for me is fun,” she said. “Right now I’m taking a breather.”
“But I do want to meet my person, so I’ll probably be back on it.”
The federal government is ordering the dissolution of TikTok’s Canadian business after a national security review of the Chinese company behind the social media platform, but stopped short of ordering people to stay off the app.
Industry Minister François-Philippe Champagne announced the government’s “wind up” demand Wednesday, saying it is meant to address “risks” related to ByteDance Ltd.’s establishment of TikTok Technology Canada Inc.
“The decision was based on the information and evidence collected over the course of the review and on the advice of Canada’s security and intelligence community and other government partners,” he said in a statement.
The announcement added that the government is not blocking Canadians’ access to the TikTok application or their ability to create content.
However, it urged people to “adopt good cybersecurity practices and assess the possible risks of using social media platforms and applications, including how their information is likely to be protected, managed, used and shared by foreign actors, as well as to be aware of which country’s laws apply.”
Champagne’s office did not immediately respond to a request for comment seeking details about what evidence led to the government’s dissolution demand, how long ByteDance has to comply and why the app is not being banned.
A TikTok spokesperson said in a statement that the shutdown of its Canadian offices will mean the loss of hundreds of well-paying local jobs.
“We will challenge this order in court,” the spokesperson said.
“The TikTok platform will remain available for creators to find an audience, explore new interests and for businesses to thrive.”
The federal Liberals ordered a national security review of TikTok in September 2023, but it was not public knowledge until The Canadian Press reported in March that it was investigating the company.
At the time, it said the review was based on the expansion of a business, which it said constituted the establishment of a new Canadian entity. It declined to provide any further details about what expansion it was reviewing.
A government database showed a notification of new business from TikTok in June 2023. It said Network Sense Ventures Ltd. in Toronto and Vancouver would engage in “marketing, advertising, and content/creator development activities in relation to the use of the TikTok app in Canada.”
Even before the review, ByteDance and TikTok were lightning rod for privacy and safety concerns because Chinese national security laws compel organizations in the country to assist with intelligence gathering.
Such concerns led the U.S. House of Representatives to pass a bill in March designed to ban TikTok unless its China-based owner sells its stake in the business.
Champagne’s office has maintained Canada’s review was not related to the U.S. bill, which has yet to pass.
Canada’s review was carried out through the Investment Canada Act, which allows the government to investigate any foreign investment with potential to might harm national security.
While cabinet can make investors sell parts of the business or shares, Champagne has said the act doesn’t allow him to disclose details of the review.
Wednesday’s dissolution order was made in accordance with the act.
The federal government banned TikTok from its mobile devices in February 2023 following the launch of an investigation into the company by federal and provincial privacy commissioners.
— With files from Anja Karadeglija in Ottawa
This report by The Canadian Press was first published Nov. 6, 2024.
LONDON (AP) — Most people have accumulated a pile of data — selfies, emails, videos and more — on their social media and digital accounts over their lifetimes. What happens to it when we die?
It’s wise to draft a will spelling out who inherits your physical assets after you’re gone, but don’t forget to take care of your digital estate too. Friends and family might treasure files and posts you’ve left behind, but they could get lost in digital purgatory after you pass away unless you take some simple steps.
Here’s how you can prepare your digital life for your survivors:
Apple
The iPhone maker lets you nominate a “ legacy contact ” who can access your Apple account’s data after you die. The company says it’s a secure way to give trusted people access to photos, files and messages. To set it up you’ll need an Apple device with a fairly recent operating system — iPhones and iPads need iOS or iPadOS 15.2 and MacBooks needs macOS Monterey 12.1.
For iPhones, go to settings, tap Sign-in & Security and then Legacy Contact. You can name one or more people, and they don’t need an Apple ID or device.
You’ll have to share an access key with your contact. It can be a digital version sent electronically, or you can print a copy or save it as a screenshot or PDF.
Take note that there are some types of files you won’t be able to pass on — including digital rights-protected music, movies and passwords stored in Apple’s password manager. Legacy contacts can only access a deceased user’s account for three years before Apple deletes the account.
Google
Google takes a different approach with its Inactive Account Manager, which allows you to share your data with someone if it notices that you’ve stopped using your account.
When setting it up, you need to decide how long Google should wait — from three to 18 months — before considering your account inactive. Once that time is up, Google can notify up to 10 people.
You can write a message informing them you’ve stopped using the account, and, optionally, include a link to download your data. You can choose what types of data they can access — including emails, photos, calendar entries and YouTube videos.
There’s also an option to automatically delete your account after three months of inactivity, so your contacts will have to download any data before that deadline.
Facebook and Instagram
Some social media platforms can preserve accounts for people who have died so that friends and family can honor their memories.
When users of Facebook or Instagram die, parent company Meta says it can memorialize the account if it gets a “valid request” from a friend or family member. Requests can be submitted through an online form.
The social media company strongly recommends Facebook users add a legacy contact to look after their memorial accounts. Legacy contacts can do things like respond to new friend requests and update pinned posts, but they can’t read private messages or remove or alter previous posts. You can only choose one person, who also has to have a Facebook account.
You can also ask Facebook or Instagram to delete a deceased user’s account if you’re a close family member or an executor. You’ll need to send in documents like a death certificate.
TikTok
The video-sharing platform says that if a user has died, people can submit a request to memorialize the account through the settings menu. Go to the Report a Problem section, then Account and profile, then Manage account, where you can report a deceased user.
Once an account has been memorialized, it will be labeled “Remembering.” No one will be able to log into the account, which prevents anyone from editing the profile or using the account to post new content or send messages.
X
It’s not possible to nominate a legacy contact on Elon Musk’s social media site. But family members or an authorized person can submit a request to deactivate a deceased user’s account.
Passwords
Besides the major online services, you’ll probably have dozens if not hundreds of other digital accounts that your survivors might need to access. You could just write all your login credentials down in a notebook and put it somewhere safe. But making a physical copy presents its own vulnerabilities. What if you lose track of it? What if someone finds it?
Instead, consider a password manager that has an emergency access feature. Password managers are digital vaults that you can use to store all your credentials. Some, like Keeper,Bitwarden and NordPass, allow users to nominate one or more trusted contacts who can access their keys in case of an emergency such as a death.
But there are a few catches: Those contacts also need to use the same password manager and you might have to pay for the service.
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Is there a tech challenge you need help figuring out? Write to us at onetechtip@ap.org with your questions.
LONDON (AP) — Britain’s competition watchdog said Thursday it’s opening a formal investigation into Google’s partnership with artificial intelligence startup Anthropic.
The Competition and Markets Authority said it has “sufficient information” to launch an initial probe after it sought input earlier this year on whether the deal would stifle competition.
The CMA has until Dec. 19 to decide whether to approve the deal or escalate its investigation.
“Google is committed to building the most open and innovative AI ecosystem in the world,” the company said. “Anthropic is free to use multiple cloud providers and does, and we don’t demand exclusive tech rights.”
San Francisco-based Anthropic was founded in 2021 by siblings Dario and Daniela Amodei, who previously worked at ChatGPT maker OpenAI. The company has focused on increasing the safety and reliability of AI models. Google reportedly agreed last year to make a multibillion-dollar investment in Anthropic, which has a popular chatbot named Claude.
Anthropic said it’s cooperating with the regulator and will provide “the complete picture about Google’s investment and our commercial collaboration.”
“We are an independent company and none of our strategic partnerships or investor relationships diminish the independence of our corporate governance or our freedom to partner with others,” it said in a statement.
The U.K. regulator has been scrutinizing a raft of AI deals as investment money floods into the industry to capitalize on the artificial intelligence boom. Last month it cleared Anthropic’s $4 billion deal with Amazon and it has also signed off on Microsoft’s deals with two other AI startups, Inflection and Mistral.
