As the presidential election draws near, I would like to like to post a message on my Facebook timeline that says: “If any of my Facebook friends plan on voting for a particular candidate, I would appreciate your doing me the courtesy of unfriending me. I no longer want to be associated with people who share a worldview, political views or, most important, the same set of morals as this candidate. They are completely antithetical to mine.” My husband thinks I should not make this post. You?
S.
Is a friend who was kind to you — during a rough patch in college, say — any less kind because she supports a different candidate than you do? I would feel differently if she actually made offensive Facebook posts. But you’re trying to police people’s thoughts.
Let’s go a step further: The best predictor (and reinforcer) of political views these days may be our media and social media diets. But our best hope for useful talks with people from seemingly unbridgeable political silos is that, once, in real life, we were good to each other. This makes me more hesitant to ask Facebook friends to scram.
Your social media is yours, though. You may use it as you like. So, if you’re too exhausted, aggravated or hurt to interact with people who disagree with you, based on their choice of political candidate, you’re free to ask them to leave your Facebook page.
If I were you, though, I’d take a break from Facebook instead. Come back when you’re ready to explore what connects you to the friends you now want to disown. Canceling people is easy. Reconnecting with them is hard, but it’s the only productive way forward. We need that now, even on the small scale of your Facebook page.
My twin sons were born two months premature. After three months in the neonatal I.C.U., we were finally able to bring them home. We’ve been practicing strict social distancing. My sister-in-law, who lives in another state, will soon be visiting my mother-in-law nearby. She’s asked if she can visit the twins, and I said sure, as long as she quarantines for 10 days and wears a mask. (She hasn’t been careful about coronavirus risks.) She freaked out and told me I was being ridiculous. The problem: She has mental health issues, and my husband and mother-in-law worry that the smallest thing may set her off. What should I do?
CONCERNED MOM
I’m sorry for this extra stressor. But I may have a solution that avoids making your sister-in-law feel singled out. Once she sets foot in her mother’s home (presumably, without quarantining), insist that both of them wait for two weeks before they visit you and the twins.
Let the quarantine be an experience of togetherness for your mother- and sister-in-law. And explain the need for masks and social distancing. (How can you possibly keep infants’ fingers out of their mouths?) Catering to the needs of others is great if you can manage it safely, but not at the expense of your fragile babies’ health.
I am a rising senior in college. This spring, I worked a remote internship along with taking classes. I had a great time! An acquaintance, whom I really dislike, has been texting me twice a week, asking me to put him in touch with my boss so he can get an internship too. I’ve tried dodging him, with little success. But I’m uncomfortable with this. I was only an intern! And even if could recommend someone, it wouldn’t be this guy. How do I say no, without letting him know I despise him?
ANONYMOUS
Eventually, you may discover that there’s success enough for everyone, even (especially!) those we dislike. But you’re not there yet. (I wasn’t either in college.) For now, give your nemesis the company’s general email address.
Tell him, as a former intern, you have little (if any) influence with your former boss and you intend to reserve it for yourself, so you won’t be recommending anyone. He may think you’re a selfish jerk, but there’s a value in learning to say no directly.
My financial situation hasn’t been affected by Covid-19 (yet), so I continued paying my dog walker during the pandemic even though he didn’t work. It seemed fair. Now that my city is reopening and dog walkers are permitted to work again, mine has decided not to return to the city. So, I decided not to pay him for June; it was his decision not to come back. My daughter thinks I should continue paying him until I find a replacement. You?
J.
Listen, it’s your money, and you’ve been generous with it. Why not continue the logic of pandemic payment to its natural end? Prorate payment for the month of June to the date your city allowed dog walkers to return. If your daughter wants to give your dog walker more, she can.
For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.
Opinion: Brad West been one of the sharpest critics of decriminalization
Published Apr 22, 2024 • Last updated 2 hours ago • 4 minute read
VICTORIA — Port Coquitlam Mayor Brad West fired off a letter to Premier David Eby last week about Allan Schoenborn, the child killer who changed his name in a bid for anonymity.
“It is completely beyond the pale that individuals like Schoenborn have the ability to legally change their name in an attempt to disassociate themselves from their horrific crimes and to evade the public,” wrote West.
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The Alberta government has legislated against dangerous, long-term and high risk offenders who seek to change their names to escape public scrutiny.
“I urge your government to pass similar legislation as a high priority to ensure the safety of British Columbians,” West wrote the premier.
The B.C. Review Board has granted Schoenborn overnight, unescorted leave for up to 28 days, and he spent some of that time in Port Coquitlam, according to West.
This despite the board being notified that “in the last two years there have been 15 reported incidents where Schoenborn demonstrated aggressive behaviour.”
“It is absolutely unacceptable that an individual who has committed such heinous crimes, and continues to demonstrate this type of behaviour, is able to roam the community unescorted.”
Understandably, those details alarmed PoCo residents.
But the letter is also an example of the outspoken mayor’s penchant for to-the-point pronouncements on provincewide concerns.
He’s been one of the sharpest critics of decriminalization.
His most recent blast followed the news that the New Democrats were appointing a task force to advise on ways to curb the use of illicit drugs and the spread of weapons in provincial hospitals.
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“Where the hell is the common sense here?” West told Mike Smyth on CKNW recently. “This has just gone way too far. And to have a task force to figure out what to do — it’s obvious what we need to do.
“In a hospital, there’s no weapons and you can’t smoke crack or fentanyl or any other drugs. There you go. Just saved God knows how much money and probably at least six months of dithering.”
He had a pithy comment on the government’s excessive reliance on outside consultants like MNP to process grants for clean energy and other programs.
“If ever there was a place to find savings that could be redirected to actually delivering core public services, it is government contracts to consultants like MNP,” wrote West.
He’s also broken with the Eby government on the carbon tax.
“The NDP once opposed the carbon tax because, by its very design, it is punishing to working people,” wrote West in a social media posting.
“The whole point of the tax is to make gas MORE expensive so people don’t use it. But instead of being honest about that, advocates rely on flimsy rebate BS. It is hard to find someone who thinks they are getting more dollars back in rebates than they are paying in carbon tax on gas, home heat, etc.”
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West has a history with the NDP. He was a political staffer and campaign worker with Mike Farnworth, the longtime NDP MLA for Port Coquitlam and now minister of public safety.
When West showed up at the legislature recently, Farnworth introduced him to the house as “the best mayor in Canada” and endorsed him as his successor: “I hope at some time he follows in my footsteps and takes over when I decide to retire — which is not just yet,” added Farnworth who is running this year for what would be his eighth term.
Other political players have their eye on West as a future prospect as well.
Several parties have invited him to run in the next federal election. He turned them all down.
Lately there has also been an effort to recruit him to lead a unified Opposition party against Premier David Eby in this year’s provincial election.
I gather the advocates have some opinion polling to back them up and a scenario that would see B.C. United and the Conservatives make way (!) for a party to be named later.
Such flights of fancy are commonplace in B.C. when the NDP is poised to win against a divided Opposition.
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By going after West, the advocates pay a compliment to his record as mayor (low property taxes and a fix-every-pothole work ethic) and his populist stands on public safety, carbon taxation and other provincial issues.
The outreach to a small city mayor who has never run provincially also says something about the perceived weaknesses of the alternatives to Eby.
“It is humbling,” West said Monday when I asked his reaction to the overtures.
But he is a young father with two boys, aged three and seven. The mayor was 10 when he lost his own dad and he believes that if he sought provincial political leadership now, “I would not be the type of dad I want to be.”
When West ran for re-election — unopposed — in 2022, he promised to serve out the full four years as mayor.
He is poised to keep his word, confident that if the overtures to run provincially are serious, they will still be there when his term is up.
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LIVE Q&A WITH B.C. PREMIER DAVID EBY: Join us April 23 at 3:30 p.m. when we will sit down with B.C. Premier David Eby for a special edition of Conversations Live. The premier will answer our questions — and yours — about a range of topics, including housing, drug decriminalization, transportation, the economy, crime and carbon taxes. Click HERE to get a link to the livestream emailed to your inbox.
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