Tech

Why you have to fill out a Google form to date me

Published

1 year ago

October 29, 2023

Featured VideoAlicia Bunyan-Sampson found dating as a polyamorous woman frustrating at best and downright abusive at worst. After too many surprises and hidden red flags, she created a Google questionnaire as a way of getting to know people better before meeting them in person.

This First Person column is written by Alicia Bunyan-Sampson, who lives in Pickering, Ont. For more information about CBC’s First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

Throughout my dating history, I have learned that people are rarely who they appear to be and it takes a good amount of time to figure out exactly who or what I’m dealing with. For example, while using dating apps, I’d initially think that I had connected with a feminist, politically-aware guy only to learn — after sharing things like my body and my time — that he’s actually a podcast bro preoccupied with gold diggers whilst having no gold for anyone to dig and describes all his ex-girlfriends as “crazy.”

This was incredibly frustrating to me for a host of reasons but primarily because I was being lied to. Whether it was unintentional or intentional is largely irrelevant. The reality was I had given folks intimate access to me based on what they had shared or who they said they were, and after a while, it began to feel like pieces of me were being erased by these interactions. I didn’t feel safe.

One day, I came across a video by a woman on TikTok who would send a Google form she created to folks she matched with on dating apps. No “hello.” No “how are you doing?” Just a link to the form, which was essentially a survey of clever, probing and playful questions that illuminate a respondent’s values and politics. I recognized the radical feminist brilliance here and decided to follow her lead.

I created my own Google dating form for all potential daters.

In about 30 questions, it sets out to learn three things about my dating prospects:

How fun or playful they are. If they are willing to fill out a Google form to date me, hanging out with them is probably going to be a good time and they don’t take themselves too seriously. Or they recognize the brilliance of the form itself. Or both.
It gives me direct insight into their politics and how they move in the world.
It gives them a clear glimpse into who I am, so they can make informed choices about dating me — and whether that’s actually something they want.

A sampling of questions from Bunyan-Sampson’s Google dating form. (Submitted by Alicia Bunyan-Sampson)

The concept behind my Google form is rooted in creating a safe space for myself in relationships and in no longer wasting my divine energy on men who look nice, but aren’t that smart and have suppressed violent tendencies.

I felt I needed this because dating has unfortunately always been exceptionally challenging for me. Whether it be my race, my gender or my identity as a polyamorous person in Canada, there are always complex hurdles in my quest for intimacy and online dating has presented a plethora of unique abuses. I remember reading about a dating app study that talked about how Black women and Asian men were the least desirable people to date. I wanted to be angry, because I believe myself to be a blast in a glass. But when I took the time to reflect on my dating experiences, it rang painfully true.

The exchanges were always sexually charged — some more directly than others — but sex and race were always at the centre of the guy’s desire. Some non-Black folks enjoyed communicating how anti-racist they were — all while saying incredibly racist things.

Some men would read my very detailed profile bio, which includes me identifying as a polyamorous person, and somehow that gave them license to confidently ask me questions about polygamy (a completely different relationship structure), and describe their lifelong desires for threesomes and group sex.

But not all of the red flags were immediately apparent. There were times when I was even hopeful that perhaps, this time, I had found a solid connection. And nearly always I was absolutely incorrect.

Key things like politics, views on gender and how they would describe their exes revealed to me deep incompatibility. I discovered that I had wasted my time.

So, I’ve been giving out the form since the pandemic started. There have been quite a few submissions from folks, primarily based in the United States, and I’ve connected with a few of them. They were all pretty interesting to start out and seemed to be quite enthusiastic about getting to know me, which is always nice. It was also refreshing to have interactions with Black men who weren’t repulsed by my being polyamorous, didn’t make assumptions about sex or were polyamorous themselves. But those relationships didn’t last long, because their expectation was to date “Polyamorous Black Girl” — my internet alias — and not Alicia.

Something I failed to consider in this whole experiment is my micro digital fame and how it impacts dating. A good chunk of people who filled out the form also follow me online and act as if they know exactly who I am based on my content. Unfortunately that gives me a very small space to be exactly who I am. That’s not to say my content isn’t a reflection of me. It is — but it’s a very small piece. A curated glimpse.

I don’t think this means the form is ineffective or unhelpful but it absolutely needs some reshaping. I think the best move at this point is to only share the form with folks I connect with in real life and maybe dating sites. Also, based on some of the interactions I’ve had since making the form, I think adding some questions about communication, consistency and reciprocity are important. The form right now is largely focused on long-term compatibility for me, but I’ve realized that regardless of the length of the relationship, there is a certain level of attention and care I need immediately. So, why not say that?

Overall, what I’ve learned is that being arrogant and clear about what I want and need in dating is the best thing I can do for myself. Even if it means fewer dates or no dates at all. There is this unspoken but loud expectation for women to make ourselves small in relationships. To lower our standards. To never be “too much” when the reality is that men are never asked to do the same. A single man in his late 30s is a handsome bachelor. A single woman in her late 30s is subjected to jokes about being a “spinster” or a “cat lady.”

From what I can see, the key difference in people’s perception of arrogance and confidence is gender. Once I recognized that, I realized that the cost of betraying my own needs or diminishing my value — or not asking the important questions early on just to “have” someone — is a cost I am no longer willing to pay. I’m giving myself permission to take up space in the world, to dare to know what I want and to tell everyone.

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Tech

Ottawa orders TikTok’s Canadian arm to be dissolved

Published

3 days ago

November 6, 2024

Anne Joseph

The federal government is ordering the dissolution of TikTok’s Canadian business after a national security review of the Chinese company behind the social media platform, but stopped short of ordering people to stay off the app.

Industry Minister François-Philippe Champagne announced the government’s “wind up” demand Wednesday, saying it is meant to address “risks” related to ByteDance Ltd.’s establishment of TikTok Technology Canada Inc.

“The decision was based on the information and evidence collected over the course of the review and on the advice of Canada’s security and intelligence community and other government partners,” he said in a statement.

The announcement added that the government is not blocking Canadians’ access to the TikTok application or their ability to create content.

However, it urged people to “adopt good cybersecurity practices and assess the possible risks of using social media platforms and applications, including how their information is likely to be protected, managed, used and shared by foreign actors, as well as to be aware of which country’s laws apply.”

Champagne’s office did not immediately respond to a request for comment seeking details about what evidence led to the government’s dissolution demand, how long ByteDance has to comply and why the app is not being banned.

A TikTok spokesperson said in a statement that the shutdown of its Canadian offices will mean the loss of hundreds of well-paying local jobs.

“We will challenge this order in court,” the spokesperson said.

“The TikTok platform will remain available for creators to find an audience, explore new interests and for businesses to thrive.”

The federal Liberals ordered a national security review of TikTok in September 2023, but it was not public knowledge until The Canadian Press reported in March that it was investigating the company.

At the time, it said the review was based on the expansion of a business, which it said constituted the establishment of a new Canadian entity. It declined to provide any further details about what expansion it was reviewing.

A government database showed a notification of new business from TikTok in June 2023. It said Network Sense Ventures Ltd. in Toronto and Vancouver would engage in “marketing, advertising, and content/creator development activities in relation to the use of the TikTok app in Canada.”

Even before the review, ByteDance and TikTok were lightning rod for privacy and safety concerns because Chinese national security laws compel organizations in the country to assist with intelligence gathering.

Such concerns led the U.S. House of Representatives to pass a bill in March designed to ban TikTok unless its China-based owner sells its stake in the business.

Champagne’s office has maintained Canada’s review was not related to the U.S. bill, which has yet to pass.

Canada’s review was carried out through the Investment Canada Act, which allows the government to investigate any foreign investment with potential to might harm national security.

While cabinet can make investors sell parts of the business or shares, Champagne has said the act doesn’t allow him to disclose details of the review.

Wednesday’s dissolution order was made in accordance with the act.

The federal government banned TikTok from its mobile devices in February 2023 following the launch of an investigation into the company by federal and provincial privacy commissioners.

— With files from Anja Karadeglija in Ottawa

This report by The Canadian Press was first published Nov. 6, 2024.

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Health

Here is how to prepare your online accounts for when you die

Published

2 weeks ago

October 24, 2024

Anne Joseph

LONDON (AP) — Most people have accumulated a pile of data — selfies, emails, videos and more — on their social media and digital accounts over their lifetimes. What happens to it when we die?

It’s wise to draft a will spelling out who inherits your physical assets after you’re gone, but don’t forget to take care of your digital estate too. Friends and family might treasure files and posts you’ve left behind, but they could get lost in digital purgatory after you pass away unless you take some simple steps.

Here’s how you can prepare your digital life for your survivors:

Apple

The iPhone maker lets you nominate a “ legacy contact ” who can access your Apple account’s data after you die. The company says it’s a secure way to give trusted people access to photos, files and messages. To set it up you’ll need an Apple device with a fairly recent operating system — iPhones and iPads need iOS or iPadOS 15.2 and MacBooks needs macOS Monterey 12.1.

For iPhones, go to settings, tap Sign-in & Security and then Legacy Contact. You can name one or more people, and they don’t need an Apple ID or device.

You’ll have to share an access key with your contact. It can be a digital version sent electronically, or you can print a copy or save it as a screenshot or PDF.

Take note that there are some types of files you won’t be able to pass on — including digital rights-protected music, movies and passwords stored in Apple’s password manager. Legacy contacts can only access a deceased user’s account for three years before Apple deletes the account.

Google

Google takes a different approach with its Inactive Account Manager, which allows you to share your data with someone if it notices that you’ve stopped using your account.

When setting it up, you need to decide how long Google should wait — from three to 18 months — before considering your account inactive. Once that time is up, Google can notify up to 10 people.

You can write a message informing them you’ve stopped using the account, and, optionally, include a link to download your data. You can choose what types of data they can access — including emails, photos, calendar entries and YouTube videos.

There’s also an option to automatically delete your account after three months of inactivity, so your contacts will have to download any data before that deadline.

Facebook and Instagram

Some social media platforms can preserve accounts for people who have died so that friends and family can honor their memories.

When users of Facebook or Instagram die, parent company Meta says it can memorialize the account if it gets a “valid request” from a friend or family member. Requests can be submitted through an online form.

The social media company strongly recommends Facebook users add a legacy contact to look after their memorial accounts. Legacy contacts can do things like respond to new friend requests and update pinned posts, but they can’t read private messages or remove or alter previous posts. You can only choose one person, who also has to have a Facebook account.

You can also ask Facebook or Instagram to delete a deceased user’s account if you’re a close family member or an executor. You’ll need to send in documents like a death certificate.

TikTok

The video-sharing platform says that if a user has died, people can submit a request to memorialize the account through the settings menu. Go to the Report a Problem section, then Account and profile, then Manage account, where you can report a deceased user.

Once an account has been memorialized, it will be labeled “Remembering.” No one will be able to log into the account, which prevents anyone from editing the profile or using the account to post new content or send messages.

It’s not possible to nominate a legacy contact on Elon Musk’s social media site. But family members or an authorized person can submit a request to deactivate a deceased user’s account.

Passwords

Besides the major online services, you’ll probably have dozens if not hundreds of other digital accounts that your survivors might need to access. You could just write all your login credentials down in a notebook and put it somewhere safe. But making a physical copy presents its own vulnerabilities. What if you lose track of it? What if someone finds it?

Instead, consider a password manager that has an emergency access feature. Password managers are digital vaults that you can use to store all your credentials. Some, like Keeper,Bitwarden and NordPass, allow users to nominate one or more trusted contacts who can access their keys in case of an emergency such as a death.

But there are a few catches: Those contacts also need to use the same password manager and you might have to pay for the service.

___

Is there a tech challenge you need help figuring out? Write to us at onetechtip@ap.org with your questions.

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Tech

Google’s partnership with AI startup Anthropic faces a UK competition investigation

Published

2 weeks ago

October 24, 2024

Anne Joseph

LONDON (AP) — Britain’s competition watchdog said Thursday it’s opening a formal investigation into Google’s partnership with artificial intelligence startup Anthropic.

The Competition and Markets Authority said it has “sufficient information” to launch an initial probe after it sought input earlier this year on whether the deal would stifle competition.

The CMA has until Dec. 19 to decide whether to approve the deal or escalate its investigation.

“Google is committed to building the most open and innovative AI ecosystem in the world,” the company said. “Anthropic is free to use multiple cloud providers and does, and we don’t demand exclusive tech rights.”

San Francisco-based Anthropic was founded in 2021 by siblings Dario and Daniela Amodei, who previously worked at ChatGPT maker OpenAI. The company has focused on increasing the safety and reliability of AI models. Google reportedly agreed last year to make a multibillion-dollar investment in Anthropic, which has a popular chatbot named Claude.

Anthropic said it’s cooperating with the regulator and will provide “the complete picture about Google’s investment and our commercial collaboration.”

“We are an independent company and none of our strategic partnerships or investor relationships diminish the independence of our corporate governance or our freedom to partner with others,” it said in a statement.

The U.K. regulator has been scrutinizing a raft of AI deals as investment money floods into the industry to capitalize on the artificial intelligence boom. Last month it cleared Anthropic’s $4 billion deal with Amazon and it has also signed off on Microsoft’s deals with two other AI startups, Inflection and Mistral.

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