Simone Paget: Canadian daters are prioritizing mental health

When I first started dating after ending a long-term relationship, I kept the fact that I have an anxiety disorder to myself – at least for the first few dates. I saw it as privileged information that only trusted people were privy to. That was a decade ago. Somewhere around the 2016 United States Presidential election and the advent of folks hoarding toilet paper during “unprecedented times” all pretenses fell away.

In a recent survey, Bumble found that a majority (55%) of Canadians surveyed shared they are comfortable talking about mental health on a first date and nearly half of respondents (45%) shared the same about therapy.

Dating can be a lot of fun, but it can also be incredibly challenging at times. The importance of caring for your mental wellbeing cannot be overstated. As Boodram explains, “our mental health influences how we think, feel, and behave. It also affects our ability to cope with stress, overcome challenges, and build healthy relationships. In this sense, putting yourself first when dating is not only recommended but necessary. We cannot share with others a resource that we lack – it’s all about loving and caring for ourselves before loving others.”

If you need some help easing into the topic, Boodram suggests bringing up something news or pop-culture related. “For example, you could ask if they’ve watched the latest season of Ted Lasso, where the main character struggles with mental health issues. You’ll learn a lot about your date by noticing the way they respond or react in these conversations!”

Boodram says you can also take a very straightforward approach. She suggests saying something like, “I have therapy today,” and giving the person space to ask any follow-up questions.

But what if dating is the thing that’s harming your mental health?

When dating, it’s easy to put a lot of pressure on yourself. It’s why Boodram encourages people to pace themselves. Resist the urge to overextend yourself socially and instead, set aside time throughout the week to rest and recharge. “Not only can prioritizing your emotional and mental well-being preempt burnout, but it can also set you up for a more successful dating journey in the long run,” says Boodram, adding, “by valuing yourself, you are subconsciously requesting that others do the same.”

Lastly, Boodram encourages people to discuss their mental health journey sooner rather than later. “Being open from the outset saves you from the stressful situation of having to hide a part of yourself while navigating a new relationship,” she says.

My instinct to use my mental health condition as a litmus test for potential partners isn’t wrong. While sharing details about your mental health can feel daunting, “it is better to know early on if someone is supportive and willing to be part of your journey,” says Boodram.