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Family Matters: How To Avoid Talking Politics Over Thanksgiving Dinner, In 5 Steps

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One in five voters says political disagreements have hurt their relationships with friends or family, according to a new poll from The New York Times and Sienna College. And in a world where work/life balance is now just life, understanding how to communicate around sensitive political issues can provide vital guidance on how to address touchy subjects at work. Here’s why: Pew Research reports that nearly half of all Americans have stopped talking about politics with someone, as a result of something they said, either in person or online. Not surprising, when 85% of American voters feel misunderstood by voters on the other side. What happens when the “other side” is really just Uncle Tim from Topeka, sharing his polarizing opinions over mashed potatoes and pie? Since rudeness is on the rise, discussion without disagreement just might be the Thanksgiving recipe that every family needs.

Jamie Clayton, CEO of Oakland Family Services, says, “Don’t enter into a conversation where you’re going to disagree, if you don’t want to sit and listen to the other person’s point of view. A lot of the time, we’re not listening. We’re trying to come up with our own comeback. You can have discussions and you can disagree without being disagreeable.”

One way to avoid the confrontational conversation, according to Sally Plass, an Indiana-based specialist in manners and social graces, is to simply keep politics off the table. “There are certain things as a guest or host you shouldn’t bring up,” she shares. But what about the past posts and memes on social media? What then? When asked about political dialogue, people point to Facebook as an aggravating factor, a space where relationships and politics seemed to collide unavoidably.

“It’s like you’re walking down the street and you see someone holding up a stupid sign, but the person holding up that sign is someone you care about,” Nelson Aquino tells the New York Times, from his home in Orlando. “You want to be like, ‘Put down that sign and go home.’ And you start having these arguments.” Have you been there?

It’s a sign of our times: you can’t unring a bell. But just because you hear a bell doesn’t mean you have to do something to fix it, or try to change its tone. (In an unconfirmed holiday story, that bell may just mean that an angel gets his wings). Here are some ideas from the experts, on how to avoid arguments this Thanksgiving.

  1. Reframe and Redirect – a simple agreement can help to shift perspectives, and redirect potential conflict. Can we agree not to talk about politics at dinner? Come together as a family and share beforehand that the dinner table is a safe space, and gain agreement so that there’s no misunderstanding. Consider topics that make more sense: what you are grateful for, what you appreciate most in your career and in other people, and what you value (outside of politically-charged issues) most in life. Isn’t there enough to discuss without debating election results for dessert?
  2. Keep Calm and Carry On – What happens when Uncle Tim violates the prime directive, and brings politics into the conversation? Robert Carini is a sociologist at the University of Louisville. He suggests that if a friend or relative brings up politics just to get a reaction, remain calm. “One way to win an argument is to make someone lose it,” Carini tells the Louisville Courier-Journal. “Families are way too good at pushing people’s buttons. So don’t let them.” You can always choose how you react, even when your button is pushed. That pause is always possible, even at holiday gatherings.
  3. Don’t Try to Win – Suzanne Degges-White, Chair of the Department of Counseling at Northern Illinois University, reminds us that attacking someone’s favorite sports team is not a battle you will ever win. So why try with someone’s political point of view? “You need to keep the conversation only about individual issues,” she says, pointing to an emotional and personal context to frame the conversation. “If you want people to see things from your side you need to connect it to a person’s emotions. For example, with the issue of equal pay for women — people are more likely to connect to the issue if you bring it down to their level. Say something like, ‘Now how would you feel if your daughter worked just as hard as a man in her office but was paid much less?’” Yet an even-handed approach will not guarantee an even-handed response. Dr. Vaile Wright, a researcher at the American Psychological Association, says, “Even if you are the best communicator in the world, you still may not get the outcome you want.” Are you ok with that? How bad do you need to win this one? If your answer is anything other than, “not at all”, pump the brakes on the political convo, and pass the gravy instead.
  4. Avoid Labels and Characterizations – When you receive a response to your individually-focused questions, avoid labeling the conversation or the response. “I would expect that kind of narrow-minded reply, coming from you,” isn’t going to strengthen your relationship. “Most socialists/uneducated fools/racists/Boomers would respond like that, I see your point.” Yikes – full stop. Remaining neutral is the key, even when confronted with what might seem like outrageous beliefs and viewpoints. Are you there to fix Uncle Tim, or find out more about his point of view? If the answer is the former, and you can’t remain neutral about the latter, it’s time to change the topic of conversation.
  5. Curious, Not Furious – Braver Angels is a New York-based organization dedicated to bridging the political divide in this country. Mónica Guzmán, author of I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times, shares in the Braver Angels podcast that curiosity is the key. She says that the political divide has become “a funhouse mirror” – with distortion and exaggeration at its core. “When you are judgmental, you can’t be curious,” she notes, “and when you are curious, you can’t be judgmental.” The only way to navigate these difficult conversations is through a detached spirit of curiosity, where learning is more important than fixing.

When we take sides over political issues, during family gatherings, we are creating the kind of division that we wish to eliminate. Just as you may not like broccoli, there’s no reason to engage in a dialogue that’s distasteful. Why would you serve something to someone else, if you know it’s going to get a negative reaction? Similarly, as you identify your own tastes, take time to respect the views of others. A respectful approach isn’t surrender, it’s wisdom. You aren’t forgetting your values, or your viewpoints – you are simply putting your attention on what matters most. Trying to change someone’s mind is a recipe for a fight, not the ingredients for a memorable holiday. Let go of the need to fix, to correct, to win. Focus on what matters most: keeping calm, staying curious, and reminding Uncle Tim that your relationship is much more important than who he voted for in the last election.

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Harris and Lizzo praise Detroit – in contrast to Trump – ahead of an Atlanta rally with Usher

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October 19, 2024

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DETROIT (AP) — Vice President Kamala Harris appeared with Lizzo on Saturday in the singer’s hometown of Detroit, marking the beginning of in-person voting and lavishing the city with praise after Republican nominee Donald Trump recently disparaged it.

“All the best things were made in Detroit. Coney Dogs, Faygo and Lizzo,” the singer joked to a rally crowd, pointing to herself after listing off the meat-on-a-stick and soda that the city is famous for.

She said it was time to “put some respect on Detroit’s name” noting that the city had revolutionized the auto and music industries and adding that she’d already cast her ballot for Harris since voting early was “a power move.”

Heaps of praise for the Motor City came after Trump, the former president, insulted it during a recent campaign stop. And Harris continued the theme, saying of her campaign, “Like the people of Detroit, we have grit, we have excellence, we have history.”

Arms wide open as she took the stage, Harris let the crowd see she was wearing under her blazer a “Detroit vs. Everybody” T-shirt that the owner of the business that produces them gave her during a previous stop in the city earlier in the week. She also moved around the stage during her speech with a hand-held mic, not using a teleprompter.

More than 1 million Michigan residents have already voted by mail in the Nov. 5 election, and Harris predicted that Detroit turnout for early voting would be strong.

“Who is the capital of producing records?” Harris asked when imploring the crowd to set new highs for early voting tallies. “We are going to break some records here in Detroit today.”

She slammed Trump as unstable: “Somebody just needs to watch his rallies, if you’re not really sure how to vote.”

“We’re not going to get these 17 days back. On Election Day, we don’t want to have any regrets,” the vice president said.

Lizzo also told the crowd, “Mrs. Commander-in-Chief has a nice ring to it.”

“This is the swing state of all swing states, so every last vote here counts,” the singer said. Then, referencing her song of the same title, Lizzo added, “If you ask me if America is ready for its first woman president, I only have one thing to say: “It’s about damn time!”

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Whatley said in a statement that Harris needed Lizzo “to hide the fact that Michiganders were feeling good under President Trump – real wages were higher, prices were lower, and everyone was better off.”

Talona Johnson, a product manager from Rochester, Michigan, attended Harris rally and said that Harris “and her team are doing the things that are required to make sure that people are informed.”

“I believe she’s telling the truth. She’s trying to help the people,” said Johnson, who said she planned to vote for Harris and saw women’s rights as her top concern.

“I don’t necessarily agree with everything that she’s put out, but she’s better than the alternative,”

In comments to reporters prior to the rally, Harris said she was in Detroit “to thank all the folks for the work they are doing to help organize and register people to vote, and get them out to vote today. She also called Detroit “a great American city” with “a lot of hard-working folks that have grit and ambition and deserve to be respected.”

The vice president was asked about whether the Biden administration’s full-throated support for Israel in its war with Hamas in Gaza might hurt her support in Michigan. Dearborn, near Detroit, is the largest city with an Arab majority in the nation.

“It has never been easy,” Harris said of Middle East policy. “But that doesn’t mean we give up.”

She will get more star power later Saturday when she holds a rally in Atlanta featuring another wildly popular singer, Usher.

Early voting is also underway in Georgia. More than 1.2 million ballots have been cast, either in person or by mail.

Democrats hope an expansive organizing effort will boost Harris against Trump in the campaign’s final weeks.

___

Associated Press writers Matt Brown in Detroit and Will Weissert and Fatima Hussein in Washington contributed.

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Moe visiting Yorkton as Saskatchewan election campaign continues

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October 18, 2024

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Saskatchewan Party Leader Scott Moe is set to be on the road today as the provincial election campaign continues.

Moe is set to speak in the city of Yorkton about affordability measures this morning before travelling to the nearby village of Theodore for an event with the local Saskatchewan Party candidate.

NDP Leader Carla Beck doesn’t have any events scheduled, though several party candidates are to hold press conferences.

On Thursday, Moe promised a directive banning “biological boys” from using school changing rooms with “biological girls” if re-elected.

The NDP said the Saskatchewan Party was punching down on vulnerable children.

Election day is Oct. 28.

This report by The Canadian Press was first published Oct. 18, 2024.

The Canadian Press. All rights reserved.

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Saskatchewan Party’s Moe pledges change room ban in schools; Beck calls it desperate

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October 17, 2024

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REGINA – Saskatchewan Party Leader Scott Moe is promising a directive banning “biological boys” from using school changing rooms with “biological girls” if re-elected, a move the NDP’s Carla Beck says weaponizes vulnerable kids.

Moe made the pledge Thursday at a campaign stop in Regina. He said it was in response to a complaint that two biological males had changed for gym class with girls at a school in southeast Saskatchewan.

He said the ban would be his first order of business if he’s voted again as premier on Oct. 28.

It was not previously included in his party’s campaign platform document.

“I’ll be very clear, there will be a directive that would come from the minister of education that would say that biological boys will not be in the change room with biological girls,” Moe said.

He added school divisions should already have change room policies, but a provincial directive would ensure all have the rule in place.

Asked about the rights of gender-diverse youth, Moe said other children also have rights.

“What about the rights of all the other girls that are changing in that very change room? They have rights as well,” he said, followed by cheers and claps.

The complaint was made at a school with the Prairie Valley School Division. The division said in a statement it doesn’t comment on specific situations that could jeopardize student privacy and safety.

“We believe all students should have the opportunity to learn and grow in a safe and welcoming learning environment,” it said.

“Our policies and procedures align with the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, the Canadian Human Rights Act and the Saskatchewan Human Rights Code.”

Asked about Moe’s proposal, Beck said it would make vulnerable kids more vulnerable.

Moe is desperate to stoke fear and division after having a bad night during Wednesday’s televised leaders’ debate, she said.

“Saskatchewan people, when we’re at our best, are people that come together and deliver results, not divisive, ugly politics like we’ve seen time and again from Scott Moe and the Sask. Party,” Beck said.

“If you see leaders holding so much power choosing to punch down on vulnerable kids, that tells you everything you need to know about them.”

Beck said voters have more pressing education issues on their minds, including the need for smaller classrooms, more teaching staff and increased supports for students.

People also want better health care and to be able to afford gas and groceries, she added.

“We don’t have to agree to understand Saskatchewan people deserve better,” Beck said.

The Saskatchewan Party government passed legislation last year that requires parents consent to children under 16 using different names or pronouns at school.

The law has faced backlash from some LGBTQ+ advocates, who argue it violates Charter rights and could cause teachers to out or misgender children.

Beck has said if elected her party would repeal that legislation.

Heather Kuttai, a former commissioner with the Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission who resigned last year in protest of the law, said Moe is trying to sway right-wing voters.

She said a change room directive would put more pressure on teachers who already don’t have enough educational support.

“It sounds like desperation to me,” she said.

“It sounds like Scott Moe is nervous about the election and is turning to homophobic and transphobic rhetoric to appeal to far-right voters.

“It’s divisive politics, which is a shame.”

She said she worries about the future of gender-affirming care in a province that once led in human rights.

“We’re the kind of people who dig each other out of snowbanks and not spew hatred about each other,” she said. “At least that’s what I want to still believe.”

Also Thursday, two former Saskatchewan Party government members announced they’re endorsing Beck — Mark Docherty, who retired last year and was a Speaker, and Glen Hart, who retired in 2020.

Ian Hanna, a speech writer and senior political adviser to former Saskatchewan Party premier Brad Wall, also endorsed Beck.

Earlier in the campaign, Beck received support from former Speaker Randy Weekes, who quit the Saskatchewan Party earlier this year after accusing caucus members of bullying.

This report by The Canadian Press was first published Oct. 17, 2024.

— With files from Aaron Sousa in Edmonton

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