Years ago, my Franciscan Brothers and I carried out ministries in the Bronx, NY. One of these ministries was visiting and assisting a great many shut-ins within the city core living in high-rise apartments, which usually had elevators that were broken and unusable. Imagine being elderly and often ill, and living on the 10-15 floor of a building and having to walk up and down the stairs(dangerous on their own) a few times a week to get food, medicine or simply socialize.
The Friars visited in pairs, one connecting with the residents while the other patrolled the apartment looking for a lack of food, medicines, heat, and sometimes finding residents who had passed away. The residents were often thrilled by the regular visits. We found the most dangerous element within their lives to be loneliness and its damaging effects.
We developed a method of dealing with this pandemic of loneliness among the elderly as well as children.
Realize loneliness is a feeling and not a lived fact:
People who sense they are alone while they are not have developed a mental trigger that isolates them while still being with others. Wife feels separated from their silent husbands, children from their forever-working parents. This trigger creates anger and pain that can create further isolation, fatalism and depression.
Always reach out since loneliness often can be painful and can cause confusion in one’s thinking. Loneliness creates feelings of being an outcast.
Noticing people’s self-defeating Thoughts. Some people can come to live within a reality that is in fact, self-destructive and harmful.
We tried to help the residents fight the mental and emotional habits of loneliness. A plan can be made to fight loneliness. Healthy interaction between neighbours, family and friends can be a solution, so making efforts to reach out to others, initiating conversation, and using FaceTime can and often do work. One family unit often assisted another. Exercising often energized people who would often simply stay in their rooms alone. Initiating some form of excitement on an apartment floor gave residents something to do and talk about for weeks. Some rules helped. If a resident said they would visit someone or do something, they had to do so; keeping their promise and commitment to another is empowering.
We were always curious about those we visited, yet never expected anything in return. The very act of showing interest in another is essentially offering an olive branch or a helping hand to another. Listening to others while not expecting perfection or applause will help others to find ways to express themselves and their expectations of themselves and others. Always Be Generous and Kind!
Our clients, as we called them, appreciated one thing in particular. We were persistent, visiting constantly, doing what we promised we would do, achieving for them some victories against their fear of the landlords, the City Authorities, or bully family members. As a group, we achieved a great deal. Bringing youthful helpers was brilliant too. The vitality and energy the youth bring to a group of elderly or isolated children was electric.
Loneliness is built over time and can root itself within a persons life easily. Like an autistic child, the trick is to help people bring themselves out of their self imposed shells, see themselves and appreciate their importance to others.
Steven Kaszab
Bradford, Ontario
