Maple Leafs extend Martin Marincin – Pension Plan Puppets

The Toronto Maple Leafs announced today that they have signed depth defender Martin Marincin to a one-year contract extension, valued at $700,000.

Marincin, who will turn 28 next month, has appeared in 13 games for the Leafs this year, producing a whopping zero points, with a 52.1% CF and a 49.8% expected goals share. He’s also logged minutes on the penalty kill, where his great reach and decent positioning are assets and his, uh, fascinating decision-making with the puck is less important.

While he’s a little dubious by the eye-test of both old-school fans and just people with eyes, Marincin is the epitome of a seventh defenceman: he’s capable of playing a regular shift without getting crushed, his fancy stats are surprisingly decent or even good, he’s apparently a well-liked locker-room presence, and he will serve in the AHL (where he is a top-pair defender) without complaint. Some fans remember his infamous miscues, but those fans need to accept the reality: Martin Marincin is eternal. His time is without beginning and without end, and when the Leafs get a Cup, Marincin will be there to lift it, smiling his goofy grin. He will then almost drop it before handing it off to Rasmus Sandin.

Welcome back, Marmar!

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