Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies” (Groucho Marx)
” These are my principles, and if you don’t like them, wait, I got more” (Groucho Marx)
Hi. My name is Scrappy Doo of the North American Doo’s. I am running for the Office of President of the USA. I have some very sound platforms, along with some not-so-grounded ones. I represent The Creative Lets Make North America Green Again Party 2.0(CAGA 2.0). Yes, the name makes you nervous, but please take a moment to review our platform and principles of conduct.
Principles of Conduct: We, as a party, are responsible for the representation of America’s Working and Middle Classes, those who make the rich richer, and drive the hounds of production and commerce. We pledge to do the following…
Reveal all our sources of income, our income now and when we leave office as well.
Transparency is key. We will reveal all about ourselves and our party’s ambitions.
Accountability means if a majority of the electorate wants us recalled and possibly dismissed, so be it. Through a plebiscite, the counting of a majority of the electorate locally or nationally.
If a representative of the party elected or their staff does not respond within 1 week, their pay will be docked.
The CAGA 2.0 believes that it can represent Americans through its actions. We are a party of achievers and must account for our job and the time spent doing it. We must justify our expenditures personally and as a potential government representative.
We must do our jobs correctly, diligently and securely. Any criminality or questions of improprieties will lead directly to an investigation by a third party and possibly sent to the Dog Pound”.
Our Platform: Our competition, the other political parties, have been dreaming, and when they wake up, they will find that they were asleep all the time. Have any of these other parties accomplished much for the working and middle classes? They all work to a great degree for the Corporate World, and Big Finance, not for you, me or that gal over there. The CAGA 2.0 will leave our mark with raised legs or determined squats, accomplishing what the other parties could not even fathom.
- Free healthcare, true affordable housing, free medications and medical-psychological therapy. We will concentrate on training professionals in these fields.
- We believe that small and medium business is the backbone of Canada’s Economy. The capitalistic attitude that allows individuals to excel and make money for themselves and their families is a good thing. Corporate Big Business’s influence upon the economy has allowed jobs and investment to flow to other parts of the world, denying Americans the jobs and investments. Corporate greed knows no boundaries, amassing immeasurable profits while small and medium businesses continually struggle to survive. The CAGA 2.0 will encourage the development of local industry and business, purchasing local Canadian products and services over foreign sources. Buy North American will be our battle cry, with Federal investments and promotion of local business sources.
a. All firms that import foreign products will be taxed for that privilege.
b. North American industry will be encouraged to manufacture domestically made cars, batteries, technology, foodstuffs, medical products, etc. The CAGA 2.0 will not invest, loan or give tax benefits to firms that import products that can be manufactured in North America.
- Education will be free up to University levels. It will be based upon performance of students, who will be encouraged to excel. Low grades, no place within these institutions.
- Canada’s population is centred within hundreds of miles of the US border. The CAGA 2.0 will encourage the youth of the nation to go northward, as well as professionals like teachers, builders, doctors etc. The Northland will become Canada’s New Adventure with economic, financial and social benefits for all.
- The Aboriginal Peoples of North America have waited too long to have We meet their treaty demands. We pledge that within three years, all treaties will be managed, worked upon, and agreements solidified.
a. Once treaties are completed, all aboriginals will begin to pay the same taxes that we all do. No special status will be given to these people once the treaties are finalized and payments made.
b. Aboriginals will no longer experience any special status except as normal North American citizens. - The North American Media and movie industry will be protected and developed through tax benefits, particularly Public Media(the truth tellers). We support public media(the truth bringers).
Taxes will be increased to fund the necessary services granted by the Federal Government.
7. The CAGA 2.0 will encourage and transform the Armed Forces into both a highly professional Army with the development of Special Forces(like the Special Air Forces of the UK). The Armed Forces will also become a rooted source for education, career training and special tactics needed to assist the public, i.e., forest fire and emergency professionals, relief nationwide. An equality stance will be taken, and any form of sexual or gender based violence will be met with fierce justice( not military but Federal Public).
- We at the CAGA 2.0 truly appreciate and love our King Charles. However, the public will be given the opportunity to vote whether Canada is to remain a monarchy or become a Democratic Republic.
- The Banking system needs to be redefined, and its monopoly broken.
- The CAGA 2.0 encourages and will direct the Federal Government to become direct competition to the grocery, petroleum, house developer and transportation industries, along with others. The extreme prices we face can only be brought down if the Federal(and State Governments) begin to form their own and direct their own developing, grocery retail and petroleum Firms in competition with the large Corporations. Lower prices(not subsidized) will create a real free market in North America.
- Every Citizen has the right to peaceful protest. Anyone who gets in their way, be they I.C.E. agents, paramilitary or any other authorities, will see what puppy power truly can be.
Now puppy power can only do so much, folks. Look at the picture below and realize I’m a good-looking guy and truly honest as well. Dogs are humanity’s best friends, so can I be yours?
P.S. Members of the CAGA 2.0 will be paid what the average labour market suggests, like 28-35 hours. We will receive full healthcare and services similar to those with no special benefits. Raises will be made upon completion of a job performance investigation every three years. Please consider the CAGA 2.0, a totally democratic, centric organization. We named it the CAGA 2.0 just to piss some people off 🙂
“Folks, you have permission to laugh. Part of our policy is to not be taken too seriously, because the opposition, in whatever form they take, don’t know how to handle humour”(Laurel & Hardy).
To understand your wants and needs, and the history of your nation demands societal change(Karl Marx). He wasn’t such a bad guy, you know.
On behalf of Scrappy Doo Best of luck to you all.
Look at that face. Can I possibly lie to you 🙂
Steven Kaszab
Bradford, Ontario
[email protected]
